So I had a dream I was 36 weeks pregnant and I hadn't felt the baby move in like days (this is what I get for watching the World's Smallest Girl and 16 and Pregnant before bed). Anyways I called my doctor and was getting ready to go see her when suddenly I said to my mom "I'm having this baby right now". It was kind of weird because I mean the head just came out with zero pushing (I have VERY graphic dreams) and I just reached down and pulled him. It was a little boy and I wiped his eyes off and mouth. He was breathing and probably the same size as Monkey when she was born. He didn't cry and husband was kind of freaking out not sure what to do. I took off my shirt and put the baby up against my chest to keep him warm and told husband to call 911. I was very calm and happy. He was pretty handsome too. Perfectly round head, just like Monkeys, not a lot of hair that I can remember, but just a cute little bundle of boy. After everything was shown to be A-OK, our next problem was his name. Nothing fit. And this is actually a real problem for us. We cant figure out a good boy name in case our next one is a boy. In my dream I just felt so panicked and horrible for not knowing what his name should be, but I kept wanting to name him James. I dont even like that name.
That dream has me a little worried. The boys have been insisting that I am pregnant ( I think they just like to freak me out) and since having Monkey I dont cramp before my period anymore (HAHA she's dancing to the hot dog song on Micky). The other day however I was having really low period like cramps, just like I did right before I found out I was having Monkey, but then again that could have been caused by just about anything so who knows. I'm due for Aunt Flow this Saturday so we'll find out then if she comes or not.
I'm not sure how I feel about having another baby. I love it just being the three of us most days, and think I could never want more, but then other days I just cant wait to have another baby. I go back and forth and really my fears of another child aren't warranted. I think most are the same fears everyone has when it comes to a second child. Monkey is so perfect and smart. She did everything sooner then she was suppose to and it just feels like if the next doesn't I'll end up being worried all the time. Then there is the issue of Monkey herself. Will she feel left out or neglected? That thought just breaks my heart. Then there's the fear of something happening to us and she being alone. No sibling to be there for her and go threw life with her. I want her to never have to be alone and to have someone who can be there for her and love her as well as her being there for them and loving them. So many worries and I'm not even pregnant (don't think). Oh well, weird dreams always get you thinking.
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