Today my sister brought me a pair of jeans that were too big for her. She is a tiny thing even when "shes not". They were a size 11/12. I told her they would probably fit me in a few weeks or so since I am constantly loosing more and more weight. Well I tried them on and to my absolute amazement they fit! I cant remember when I was able to wear a size 12! Surely at some point in the past 4 years I did, but it hasnt been since Lady L made her appearance at the least. From there my mother took me shopping. Size 12 in dress and pants. It made me feel absolutely amazing.
The last time I stepped into a dressing room I was ready to cry. Nothing fit me. It was all too small, too tight. I had to keep going up in pants sizes until finally I had no choice but to go into the plus size section. This was in March/April. I found a pair of 18s that fit in the waist but were loose every where else. I also got a pair of 16W. They weren't too terribly loose in the legs which is why I liked them. Slowly I was able to fit back into a pair of my old jeans so long as I had the button undone. A few months later I was able to button them which lead to my other pants slowly becoming looser in the waist. My mother gave me a pair of size 14 jeans and as of late they have been falling off. To put on size 12 and have them fit me without a struggle is such a wonderful confidence booster, I braved the dresses. I found two I absolutely love and can not wait to wear. I have NEVER had the confidence to wear a dress. This does not mean that I have not owned them, I just never had the confidence to wear them. I tried on all my new clothes (2 dresses, a pair of jeans, 2 long sleeved shirts, a blouse, and a sweater) for my husband and the Ladies to see. The Ladies, being sweet little things, were wowed by my clothes, exclaiming "Mommy you look beautiful!" or my favorite from Lady L "You look fabulous." I felt it too.
For months I have looked at my grungy clothing in the mirror and thought "what happened?" I own two or three nice shirts, zero pants that fit correctly, and found that the only long sleeve shirts that I have are my maternity shirts. Despite knowing that I had lost weight I wasnt feeling too good about myself simply because I was still battling the "nothing fits!" stage. When my mother told me she wanted to take me shopping I was dreading it. I was happy at the thought of getting out the house and of having some time with her just the two of us, but I wasnt looking forward to the trying on of clothes I was in love with only to find they didnt fit me. And to make matters worse Madam Flo made her appearance out of no where earlier this week. Its never a good idea to go shopping while your vagina is falling out, or more accurately, your body is reminding you there is no baby in it and your last baby is now one and it is demanding you put a baby in it by bleeding profusely for 5 days (or in my case 3 because my Diva cup seems to shorten it which is awesome, yet another reason to go Diva). I however sucked it up and agreed to it without ever letting her think I was worried or that I might bawl my eyes out. Putting on a pair of size 12 jeans, the size my very tiny sister was wearing before she lost her baby weight, had me on cloud nine. Being about to cruise past the larger sizes, and not even think to grab a size XL for shirts was amazing. In fact I only got two items that were an XL, my sweater (because I like my sweaters a little looser) and my blouse (because Ive got big boobs for now, sadly they will deflate when Sir E no longer wants momma milk). That is amazing for me. I happen to be a large in shirts solely because I am big breasted, even at my thinnest, my breast were busting in a medium. I think once Sir E is done nursing and I can really hit it hard at working out I will probably go down a cup size or two, which I wouldnt mind, but pretty sure the girls are gonna be a whole lot of saggy empty sacks...point is I might be able to wear a medium then.
I have to say I could have never made it to this point if it weren't for my Whole30/Paleo lifestyle. As of late I have been incredibly relaxed with my eating and Ive been paying for it. I've bloated, I've had migraines, and my mood has not been pleasant at all times, but I'm trying to get back to where I should be. Life gets busy and some times its just easier to take a little break. The fact that I havent been eating healthy and was still able to fit into size 12s is awesome. I cant wait until I am complaining that they are falling off!
For anyone struggling with their weight or any health issues I am telling It Starts With Food. Live by that saying and that book. The changes are so amazing I cant even begin to tell you. When I eat right, everything changes. I drop weight like I drop glass objects (which is a lot and with ease), my thyroid immediately evens out and starts to lower on its own until I am taking too much of my medication. I can sleep without waking constantly through the night, I wake up early on my own and want to get up! Even the tumors on my nerve in my back seem to ease up in pain. Its a wonderful thing. Try it, you just might be amazed!
Friday, December 19, 2014
Monday, December 8, 2014
Little Girls
When I first found out that Lady G was going to be a girl, I was terrified. I knew nothing about little girls. I had always been a tom boy, a guys girl. I liked playing in the dirt, wearing overalls, refusing to conform a wear anything but a sports bra until I was nearly sixteen (I developed breast in the third grade as an fyi). My favorite color was not pink, pink was not in my wardrobe. It wasn't until the ninth grade that I started wearing make up (my cousin dolled me up at the end of gym class one day) and doing girly things wasn't an interest. I told people not to get me pink things for her. I didnt want pink to be her color. I said no to the big bows, no to the pink, no to everything the screamed IT'S A GIRL! And then she came. She was pink all over, soft skin, gorgeous big eyes, and though I said no to laying her on my stomach, she was laid right there on top of me. She looked right up at me and smiled.
I was terrified to touch her. After all the nurses had left I stared at her in her little plastic bed and asked my mother if I could hold her. My mother laughed and told me "Yes! She is yours! You can do whatever you want with her." From then on out my world became pink. I still didnt over do it like some mothers do. Occasionally she had the headband with the bow, but it was never over the top. We pierced her ears and I snuggled her close at night enjoying her sweet smell, her soft little pink skin, and those gorgeous big eyes.
As she grew she acted like most toddlers. Any toy was a fun toy. We collected pink toys over the years and pink blankets. Our home was slowly filled with things that screamed girl, but it was also filled with toys that screamed child. She had legos galore of which she loved. She had books in all shapes and sizes. Over time she began to request Hot Wheels to which she loved as well. When Lady L came I didnt bother to say no pink. We where given a pink bath tub (which Sir E used too). Lady L loved all her sisters old toys but as soon as she was old enough to pointed and bounce up and down she wanted the Hot Wheels. She loves her cars so much she even refuses to share them at times with her siblings.
As Lady G continued on her path of growing into a little person her likes kept changing. The little girl I had tried so hard to keep pink from now demanded it. Dress up clothes in pinks and purple, princess wands and crowns, it all had to be hers. Minni Mouse was her idol as well as every Disney Princess known to man. She wanted me to fix her hair, to put her in dresses, and buy Hello Kitty. Her love of girly things grew and grew. Baby dolls, barbie dolls, a doll house, and clothes for her babies. She had turned into a little girl full blown and it seemed like it happened over night.
Lady L has followed suit though her love for her dear Hot Wheels has never waved. She now wants to play mommy like sissy and dress up to be a princess. They both often ask me "Do I look pretty?" once they have dolled themselves up. I tell them yes very pretty.
But dont let the pink and purple fool you, do not let the glittery shirts blind you, they are more than just pretty little things. The go out in the backyard only to return caked in mud. They dig for buried treasure, hunt for deer like daddy, and as of late have been requesting toy guns. They wear their pink safari hats with pride as they walk about the yard on an adventure, The Beast in tow of course. They fall, they get bumps and bruises, scrapes and cuts, they roll around with each other, tackle one another to the floor, squealing with glee. They are rough and tough little things. They are my sweet little girls and I would not trade them for the world.
I was terrified to touch her. After all the nurses had left I stared at her in her little plastic bed and asked my mother if I could hold her. My mother laughed and told me "Yes! She is yours! You can do whatever you want with her." From then on out my world became pink. I still didnt over do it like some mothers do. Occasionally she had the headband with the bow, but it was never over the top. We pierced her ears and I snuggled her close at night enjoying her sweet smell, her soft little pink skin, and those gorgeous big eyes.
As she grew she acted like most toddlers. Any toy was a fun toy. We collected pink toys over the years and pink blankets. Our home was slowly filled with things that screamed girl, but it was also filled with toys that screamed child. She had legos galore of which she loved. She had books in all shapes and sizes. Over time she began to request Hot Wheels to which she loved as well. When Lady L came I didnt bother to say no pink. We where given a pink bath tub (which Sir E used too). Lady L loved all her sisters old toys but as soon as she was old enough to pointed and bounce up and down she wanted the Hot Wheels. She loves her cars so much she even refuses to share them at times with her siblings.
As Lady G continued on her path of growing into a little person her likes kept changing. The little girl I had tried so hard to keep pink from now demanded it. Dress up clothes in pinks and purple, princess wands and crowns, it all had to be hers. Minni Mouse was her idol as well as every Disney Princess known to man. She wanted me to fix her hair, to put her in dresses, and buy Hello Kitty. Her love of girly things grew and grew. Baby dolls, barbie dolls, a doll house, and clothes for her babies. She had turned into a little girl full blown and it seemed like it happened over night.
Lady L has followed suit though her love for her dear Hot Wheels has never waved. She now wants to play mommy like sissy and dress up to be a princess. They both often ask me "Do I look pretty?" once they have dolled themselves up. I tell them yes very pretty.
But dont let the pink and purple fool you, do not let the glittery shirts blind you, they are more than just pretty little things. The go out in the backyard only to return caked in mud. They dig for buried treasure, hunt for deer like daddy, and as of late have been requesting toy guns. They wear their pink safari hats with pride as they walk about the yard on an adventure, The Beast in tow of course. They fall, they get bumps and bruises, scrapes and cuts, they roll around with each other, tackle one another to the floor, squealing with glee. They are rough and tough little things. They are my sweet little girls and I would not trade them for the world.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Inquisitive Children
I have a distaste for small inquisitive children (this includes my own) and here is why. While working on my book ( and I am using this term VERY loosely as I have yet to decide if I am going to fully commit to it this time or if I am simply airing out the creative pipes) sweet Lady G awakes from her nap. This is fine, she is drowsy still and interested in tv on the couch while her sister and brother continue to snooze. I pop a head phone in and get back to work. Soon I become aware of a tiny person talking. She needs a snack. OK, raisins it is. I have barely managed to sit back down before she needs a drink. OK, water here ya go. Then she informs me when she is done with her snack she would like to work on her writing stuff. OK OK cool, eat your snack. Snack consumed and she seems to have forgotten about her penmanship. Awesome. It's really flowing now, those creative juices that I often put on hold in order to care for the tiny people in my life. The bliss doesn't last as she comes up saying "OK I'm ready" So I pull out her notebook and get her set up next to me. I'm thinking she'll write and I'll write, it will be a glorious bonding moment. First she needed to know what letter came first...A kid, A. That clearly became a pattern, along with, "How do we do that one again?" and "Look at this one, this one is a little fancy" and of course the high fiving all while I am trying to throw my mind into full blown teenage romance deciding all the way or just close to... Now I cant even talk dirty, so thinking dirty, picturing it, then having to describe it is pretty much causing my own cheeks to flush along with this fictional character and now I have my 4 year old sitting next to me. I barely got a few lines down before Lady L, my sweet little 2 year old walks in. At this point I just closed the computer. Of course once Sir E awoke it was easier to get back to work. He hung out in their room and they all played (for the most part) together happily. I love writing, its part of the reason I started this blog to begin with. I'm a good writer, I dont know if I'm best selling author good, but I'm good. Aside from being a mom I've only ever wanted to be a writer and I know one day that dream will come true, but for now I have to put it on hold a lot. I have three children, two at home with me during the day, a house to care for, and a husband who bust his butt daily for us. As much as I would love to be able to put everything on hold and completely throw myself into this, I can't and I'm actually ok with that. And for the record I love my kids and though it may drive me mad some times I love their inquisitive nature.
On a completely unrelated note, it occurred to me moments ago that I keep my right pinkie held above the others when using my right hand. It is as if I am at high tea at all times. Let that just soak in for a little bit.
On a completely unrelated note, it occurred to me moments ago that I keep my right pinkie held above the others when using my right hand. It is as if I am at high tea at all times. Let that just soak in for a little bit.
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