Cloth diapers here we come.

So we finally made it to my parents house.  What a long trip it was, but at least we all made it in one piece and fairly happy.  Monkey slept almost the whole time which was wonderful and even slept at night.  Her routine it a little messed up (shes been waking up a little too early and napping a little too early too) and she is most certainly in her terrible twos stage.  Now I'm sure your a little confused about that last statement, but I have recently read that the terrible twos are not when they hit two, but more in the second year of life.  She enjoys throwing temper tantrums (hard to believe I know) when getting something taken away from her.  But we have found a good ol fashioned time out works pretty well. She is more prone to them when getting tired too.  Anyways we were pretty lucky to avoid flooding, though we saw plenty of it.  The girls did good on the ride with Sid sleeping in my lap the whole time and Samantha sleeping in the back next to Monkey's car seat.  Samantha has refused to eat since getting to my parents, but I dont think she'll starve herself, so its just a waiting game at this point.

So today I finally ordered the cloth inserts for the G diapers.  My sister is picking up the Little G Pants from babiesrus because its cheaper then online and she should be bringing them to my parents on Thursday, the same day our shipment arrives!  Super excited to get this new experience going.  It will be nice not to worry about diapers anymore.  I just need to find something to put the dirty ones in until its time to wash.  I think thats my only problem at the moment.

As for our housing situation, we still dont have a house on post and so I have decided to stay with my parents until we do.  My mother can drive Gracie and I down when we get a house and even if she is unable, I know husband can come and get us.  He isnt too thrilled about the idea of us not going with him, but I have to think about whats best for Monkey and right now its having her in a stable environment.  Living in a one room hotel for an unknown amount of weeks isnt a good life for a baby and neither is inconveniencing our friends with a newborn.  As much as I hate being away from my husband, its for the best until we have a house.

Well I guess Ill be getting off.  Just thought I would give a little update to everyone.  Monkey is napping as well as my mother and the girls, and I am thinking about joining them.

Movers suck and life with a 1 year old.

So its been a busy few days.  The weeks have just flown by and well I dont think I'm ready for whats coming and has past.  Monkey turned one yesterday (she was pretty excited about it) and her party on Sunday was wonderful.  Her cupcakes turned out great, though I forgot to take a picture of them, the food was wonderful of course, and she got a pretty good haul of toys as well as a few outfits.  She didnt really know what to do with her cupcake when we sat it down in front of her, but after I cut it up some, she tried it out.  She also shared with the girls who loved it.  After everyone left Uncle Newman and Moomoo played her some music and then we called it an early night with bedtime being 30 minutes early.  I ended the night with Aunt Flo finally showing up and the guys deciding to be jerks.  All in all though good day.

Yesterday around noon I realized the movers where coming today which meant I had to clean the carpets, which I did, along with loads of laundry and dishes.  I packed up our bags and now I am sitting here waiting on these freaking movers who have yet to show.  Some time between 8am and 5pm they are suppose to appear.  What the crap?  We had plans for tonight, but I've already decided if they dont get here til 5 then I'll just stay home and let the boys take Monkey.  I will be VERY pissed and I expect to have an Apollo Burger brought home to me.  Grrr.

I think the next few months shall be interesting.  We're moving to a new place, getting a new apartment, and just starting a new life.  Monkey is already starting to show signs of being ready for potty training (though we still plan on switching to cloth diapers just to save some money on diapers and pull ups) and we plan on trying for another baby soon.  Monkey is so smart and it just seems like instead of being one she already turned two.  Its just crazy how much she can do and say.  I'm ready for another baby and for the wonderful big sister Monkey will be.  But I dont think I'm ready for Monkey to keep going on this super baby path.  I love my little Monkey, but I want her to be little for just a bit longer.  Life with a one year shall be wonderful and full of laughs, love, and I'm sure plenty of tears, nos and uh ohs, but either way it will all be exciting and new and very very interesting.

Who doesn't love weird Dreams?

So I had a dream I was 36 weeks pregnant and I hadn't felt the baby move in like days (this is what I get for watching the World's Smallest Girl and 16 and Pregnant before bed).  Anyways I called my doctor and was getting ready to go see her when suddenly I said to my mom "I'm having this baby right now".  It was kind of weird because I mean the head just came out with zero pushing (I have VERY graphic dreams) and I just reached down and pulled him.  It was a little boy and I wiped his eyes off and mouth.  He was breathing and probably the same size as Monkey when she was born.  He didn't cry and husband was kind of freaking out not sure what to do.  I took off my shirt and put the baby up against my chest to keep him warm and told husband to call 911.  I was very calm and happy.  He was pretty handsome too.  Perfectly round head, just like Monkeys, not a lot of hair that I can remember, but just a cute little bundle of boy.  After everything was shown to be A-OK, our next problem was his name.  Nothing fit.  And this is actually a real problem for us.  We cant figure out a good boy name in case our next one is a boy.  In my dream I just felt so panicked and horrible for not knowing what his name should be, but I kept wanting to name him James.  I dont even like that name.

That dream has me a little worried.  The boys have been insisting that I am pregnant ( I think they just like to freak me out) and since having Monkey I dont cramp before my period anymore (HAHA she's dancing to the hot dog song on Micky).  The other day however I was having really low period like cramps, just like I did right before I found out I was having Monkey, but then again that could have been caused by just about anything so who knows.  I'm due for Aunt Flow this Saturday so we'll find out then if she comes or not.

I'm not sure how I feel about having another baby.  I love it just being the three of us most days, and think I could never want more, but then other days I just cant wait to have another baby.  I go back and forth and really my fears of another child aren't warranted.  I think most are the same fears everyone has when it comes to a second child.  Monkey is so perfect and smart.  She did everything sooner then she was suppose to and it just feels like if the next doesn't I'll end up being worried all the time.  Then there is the issue of Monkey herself.  Will she feel left out or neglected?  That thought just breaks my heart.  Then there's the fear of something happening to us and she being alone.  No sibling to be there for her and go threw life with her.  I want her to never have to be alone and to have someone who can be there for her and love her as well as her being there for them and loving them.  So many worries and I'm not even pregnant (don't think).  Oh well, weird dreams always get you thinking.

One Year Ago Today.

Last mothers day my mother woke up with chest pains.  My sister was on her way back from Little Rock and my dad was down stairs firing up the grill if I do recall when I asked her what was wrong.  She finally told me and said she didnt want to ruin today.  I told her she was nuts and if I had to I would carry her to the car and make her go to the ER (I was 38 weeks pregnant).  She finally decided to go once my sister got home.  My sister and I finished making what was suppose to be Mothers Day lunch which we later took up to the hospital for her to eat.  She thankfully didnt have a heart attack.  My sister and I spent the next few days at the hospital with her.

Tuesday she had a heart cath done will I took Samantha to the vet to be fixed.  My sister and I went to pick up Samantha who was very much happy to see me but too drugged to really do much about it.  We took her to the car and both of us helped her into the back of my Jeep.  When we got her home we tried our best to get her settled in, but she just wanted to go where ever I did and I was leaving.  When we got back to the hospital everything was good and my mom was released.  We ate Colton's and Sammy had eggs.  It took her about two hours, but she finally made it into the living room to sleep in the middle of the floor.

Wednesday I felt a little weird.   I almost fainted while bringing in some food for my father and I, so my plans to go to the grocery store were canceled until after my doctors appointment the next day.

Thursday was dooms day.  I went in and my doctor threatened me with labor due to high blood pressure.  She said she would send me home if I stayed on bed rest for 24 hours and collected my urine.  She suspected I had preeclampsia.

Friday I get admitted and a Red Cross message was sent to get my husband home.

Saturday the message was canceled and we still dont know why.  I was induced at about 4 pm.

Sunday morning at 12:38 am I had my little Monkey.

Who would have thought Mothers Day would have turned out to be so eventfully.  Thankfully this year its just been nice and calm.

It's been awhile.

So its been a few days since Ive posted anything.  Been kind of busy and in a funk.  So I guess I'll just do a recap on the things that have been cruising on around here.

Monkey got a diaper rash and it was bad enough that A&D just wasnt cutting it.  Apparently the new LUVS that are suppose insure no blow out happen are really hard on her poor little booty (and suck for blow out standards, I just love waking up to a baby covered in poo and a crib too).  Anyways took us a few days to get it to clear up (thank you butt paste).  She seemed fairly happy to get to run around nude for every diaper change and after bath time.  She was so happy in fact she started taking off her diaper yet again and made it impossible not to have a buttoned onsie or shorts on her.  Even though its gone now, she decided to escape from daddy tonight and take off down the hallway naked.  She came into the living room with Uncle Newman and I and started dancing to the music that was playing on her little kid show.  Probably the most cutest thing this kid has done thus far, though I may take that back since earlier I asked her if she wanted to watch Micky and her jaw dropped.  That was pretty cute too.  She kept looking at the TV waiting then back at me with her mouth wide open super happy.  She then sat down in my lap and watched it after dancing to the opening song.  That kid is way too cute.  She also learned what sound a snake makes.  You can ask her and she goes "ssss  ssss".  I think it pretty much rocks.  We also went to the pool today and she tried to dog paddle on her own.  Daddy was having some issues keeping her mouth out of the water too because she wanted to dunk herself, which was also pretty freaking cute.  She attempted to play ball with Sammy today and kept saying "ball" then throwing it at Sammy to catch.  Samantha however kept dodging it.  It amused me for a few minutes before I went back to watching (and tasting) the dinner Uncle Newman was making.  She also wore her "flippy floopys" today and looked so freaking cute I think everyone in the entire Gym as well as Wal Mart wanted to kidnap her.  Good thing mommy didnt leave her unattended while daddy and Uncle Newman played with toys claiming to "look" for her birthday present.  Which I found a few options that I would like to get her, and Uncle Newman brought Elmo over and she feel in love (what is it about that creepy red bastard?).

So husband has been "shaming" all week long.  He has almost all of his clearing down and just stayed home with us, which would have been nice had he not woken up the baby almost every morning and cleaned up after himself.  And of course Uncle Newman has been over every day which has been nice to spend some time with him before we leave.  So not only did I have a baby to clean up after, but I had two grown men I had to clean up after as well (I stepped in urine last night, these boys really need to learn how to aim I HUGELY dislike a mans toilet).  But it was still nice to have him around.  They went and got the TV from his room just so they could play the same game on two different TVs.  I didnt think it would go over well, but so far Monkey has yet to knock the one on her level over so I guess thats good.

As for Monkey's afghan, Ive yet to finish it.  I have one ball of yarn left before the afghan itself is finished, then I need to make the boarder and pocket.  I dont know why I cant seem to just finish it already, but for some reason this last ball is taking me the longest.  It is becoming VERY annoying.  Its not even that I dont want to do it, I just never seem to have time to do it.  By the time I have free time, I just want to go and take a nap.  Grrr.

OK so random moment in the life.  We were in Wal Mart today and the "Adam Alert" came on.  A little 6 year old boy somehow got lost.  So I got separated from the boys as they were looking at cards and I was on a hunt for some bbqing things.  Well I saw this little boy (I say little, he looked like he was 8) and he was under a cart that had a purse in it and was making it move by using his hands.  Anyways, he was wearing a red shirt and khaki shorts, just like the little boy who was missing, but his hair was blond not reddish blond (zero red in this kids hair).  And at first I looked for his mother, but then saw the purse and was like oh his mom is around.  Well as I walked away I realized there was no woman around him.  People looked at him and kept moving on assuming the same thing that I did, so I decided to go back and ask him where his momma was.  Well I went back and I wasnt even gone for a minute and he was gone.  I looked around in all the surrounding aisles and no little boy.  I think it might have been him and it really bothered me I didnt just go and ask him where his momma was or at least stuck around long enough to see if anyone was going to get him.  Anyways, we left and I still hadnt heard the "Cancel Adam Alert".  Something similar to this happened when I was pregnant and I did the same thing then that I did today.  My mother and I saw this little girl (no one was looking for her at this point) and she was probably 3.  She looked like she was ready to cry and as I was walking up to her so did this other woman and her husband and I said "oh shes yours" and they said "no we thought she was yours" and I said no.  So the woman tried to talk to her and ask her where her momma was and she just wanted to cry.  Finally someone who worked at Wal Mart came up to her (though none of us left this little girl) and kept trying to get her to talk.  After about 5 minutes of all of us trying to find where she belonged a very angry and annoyed little boy (about 6) came up to her and grabbed her hand and dragged her off to their momma who never even knew she was missing.  I wanted to bawl at the thought of that little girl (and as I was rushing back to where that little boy had been) being lost.  I looked at my kid and thought how could anyone not pay attention to their child?  Monkey is always in the cart with me or I have a hold of her hand.  I dont let that little Monkey out of my sight and I never will.  I see so many young kids (and I do mean young) running around our neighborhood with no parents outside.  They leave the 3 year old in the incapable hands of their 7 or 8 year old sibling.  That older sibling is doing what ever they feel like doing while the baby is left running out into the middle of the road.  Drives me nuts and I swear if I see it one more time there is going to be a momma who gets an ass chewing from me.  Not only is it dangerous due to cars, but you dont know who lives in the house next to you.  Even if you do have friendly chit chat doesnt mean they wont take your kid.  Just because we live on a military base does not mean people are safe.  I plan on letting my daughter run around outside, but only if I am there with her.

Welp I think that is it for the night.  I feel like trying to get in a little crocheting then heading on to bed.  Tomorrow is Mothers day, so to all you Mothers, have a very happy day!

Hello inspiration , I missed you.

So after sifting through youtube yesterday trying to find songs for out long trip, I ended up finding my missing inspiration.  Wonderful flashes for the ending of one book that has been sitting untouched for far too long can now be finished.  Only problem is I have zero time to do it between taking care of Monkey, cleaning, getting ready to move and finishing her afghan plus making another one for my friends baby, I'm just out of time.  I've also been crazy tired lately.  So now I have the inspiration, but I dont have the time to do it.  One day it will end up exploding out of me as if often does, but until then I'll have to just sit here and wish for more hours in the day...or perhaps the need for less sleep.

Let the count down begin!

Count down one: Monkey's Birthday Party/Birthday!  Only 13 days til her party and only 14 days until her birthday!!!  Who's excited?  We're excited!!!!  I already know what type of cake I am making her, I know what we are going to be feeding the guest, and I also know what cake the guest are going to be eating.  I even have three options for an outfit (really its two options, but outfit came with a second dress).  I also got her some cute flip flops that go with all options.  I am very ready and excited!

Count down two: Moving day!  Its getting so close! 20 days til we hit the road and 17 days til they come and get out stuff.  I never thought we would ever get to move from this place but FINALLY we are!  Sid has been shaved in preparation for moving day which has also caused her to wear her sweater at all times.  It was nice and Sunny sitting at 75 for most of yesterday, but during her hair cut the clouds rolled and the temp started to drop, so the sweater went on once we finished.  Husband did a great job, though she looks so tiny now and as long as her sweater is on she looks young too.  Once you take the sweater off you can see the gray and she looks like an old woman.  I've noticed the neighbors Husky eyeballing her since we cut her hair.  I'm afraid she looks like pry now which is not good with all the swamp animals we shall be encountering down South.  I had intended on leaving some hair, but it was such a horrid mess we had to just cut it all and start fresh.  Hopefully Sammy will keep her safe.  I also need to start the long hunt for a good flea and tick blocker since we've never used it up here before and we have a little one to think about.  And I really need to start working on getting everything here ready for the packers/movers.  Ugh so much to do, so very little time.

"Meet me on the Equinox"

I was standing in the laundry room sorting threw the clothes before I put them in the washer.  Monkey was playing in the doorway while husband and Uncle Newman played Call of Duty in the living room.  At first I thought it was my husband who said my name, but after the second time I realized it was too quiet and close to have been coming from him.  I ignored it while casually looking up to check on Monkey.  She didnt seem to of noticed anything.  Its moments like this that I question the reality that I live in.  I cant help but to wonder if maybe something didnt happen to me and I am now living within myself, having created a new world and refusing to wake up.  Maybe at times the voices that call out, or the unseen things that touch me arent what I have thought them to be.  Maybe their the other reality, the one my brain is hiding from.  My life is at times perfect, but at other times it not.  Its painful and heart breaking.  People all around me seem to be leaving, heading to a new life somewhere I cant visit until my time comes, or simply moving on.  It feels at times as if I am standing still while everyone around me is in motion.  I see everything, but cant change it or join in on it.  Is this just something my mind has created or is this life? 

I have created a wonderful story in my head, full of love and adventure.  It has everything I could possibly need to lose myself for hours in.  But what if that fantasy I have in my head is just yet another one that I have created and soon will fall into?  If I get it down on paper will that save me from losing myself again?  Have I already lost myself in a fake reality?  How do I know?

What if this life isnt even a life?  What if I am simply a doll in someone else doll house?  Instead of being the child playing with toys, what if I am that toy? 

I sit and watch the sun set, while Monkey runs around laughing and playing.  The boys are sitting around he TV playing their games while Sid and Samantha lay napping.  Its a moment like this that is perfect.  Whether its real or fact, its not a moment I would trade.  And if the voice that calls out to me is good or evil, its something I'll never investigate.  My life whether created or real is something I enjoy and dont want to give up.  I'll fight to keep it this way and I'll fight to keep away whatever that voice is.