"Lets have kids!" You really shouldnt have had kids...

So I always knew I wanted children.  And I always knew how I would parent my children.  Its similar to how I was parented, but a bit more relaxed and open.  We spank, we do time out, and we explain why we were spanked or put in time out.  We are stern, have boundaries, invisible lines our children know not to cross and are firm believers that its never too early to learn the word NO.  G knew no by the time she was 6 months.  L is learning no.  It hurts her feelings to get into any type of trouble, though she has also discovered how fun of a game it can be (for her anyways) to do things she isn't suppose to.

Now when I met my husband we talked about kids and about parenting (yes at the young tender age of 16 we were talking babies).  We both agreed children after marriage was a definite and we both agreed we wanted kids young so not only could we run around and enjoy them, but we could still have a life after they left the nest.  We also agreed on parenting styles.  It was a match made in heaven, thus the green light for us to have kids.  Our children do not throw food in restaurants or demand things.  They do not demand sugar or sweets and would take a huge bowl of veggies over chips any day.  Our children have manners, our two year old can hold a conversation (very well) with any adult and all because we taught her bottle, momma, daddy, dog, cat, eat ect and not baba dadda, ma, do do, kit kit, num nums, ect.  From the day my kids popped out of the womb I addressed them as young human beings, not helpless brained damaged aliens.  I will admit it has taken L a bit longer then her sister to become vocal.  However I have to say its probably because there is a lot more noise going on around her then there was with just G.  L is starting to say Momma, and my husband and I both encourage her by pronouncing it correctly when she attempts it.  We do the same when she starts shouting "Ada" at an attempt to get her daddy's attention.  She is now working on "dada" which is fine if she calls him that, but we will still encourage daddy. 

Now my point to this was not to brag about my wonderful smart little girls, though bragging is always nice.  No my point was my kids are 2 and 8 months and they are well behaved, so explain to me why I watched a three year old who cant vocalize shit and still refers to a cup as a baba?  Well my dear readers let me tell you why.  Its because his mother and father most likely never sat down and talked about kids.  See daddy would love to just spank him when his son blatantly disobeys him, but his mother freaks out.  His mother refuses to realize that her son knows better then to jump up and down on the couch and knows not to grab things off the table.  She refuses to realize her son is not a baby.  So dad sits in the sidelines and gets looks while mom lets son run around unsupervised in stores.  Mom also gives "baba" of chocolate milk when she lays son down in bed, and if son falls and barely hits his head she completely freaks out.  Her screaming is what made him scream, and how does she calm down a screaming "baby"?  CANDY! 

Now I am not a believer in beating your children, spanking is not beating.  Now if the kid has bruises on their butt then yes ok your are more then likely beating your child, but see parents now a days think that anything that makes a kid cry is beating.  So by that logic, putting my toddler in time out is beating.  Anyways, because of this issue, it has become harder and harder to punish a child in a store.  So we do the good old "If you dont straighten up right now I am taking you to the bathroom for a butt spank" This is my husbands favorite go to, I however am a fan of "Girl I will put you in time out right here in this isle if you dont knock it off"  That one works better.  Why?  Public humiliation.  Not that I think thats a good thing, but some times you need to take that kid to the bathroom and spank that bottom or place that bottom on the floor of isle 3.  But do you ever see anyone doing this?  Nope and why?  Because that bitch with 5 kids running a muck gives you a look that says "I'm calling CPS on your ass" and you never go to that store ever again.  I however have developed a contour look.  Its says "Do it".  There are two things I know about CPS.  One they really dont give a shit and two if they do give a shit and find you are putting your kids in time out they turn around and never look your way again.  And this is how I know they dont give a shit.  I talked to CPS.  I told them about a father who was indeed beating his son and wife.  Nothing ever happened.  Whats worse is I didnt even make the call, his wife did.  I was called to confirm it basically.  So my advice is discipline your child, no matter who is watching.  If you aren't harming your child but doing what is best your are in the green (if you happen to be a child abuser and think that is best go punch yourself in the face 12 times really hard and see if you still feel beating is the answer).

Now I have seen a lot of diva toddlers in my day (and diva children).  There is nothing wrong with a little girl or even a little boy having an attitude.  We all have attitudes and its part of our personality, but when that attitude turns into disrespect then we got a problem.  When G tells me no and its not a yes or no question she gets put in her place.  She has lately been diva-ing it up which has landed her in a lot of time outs.  Dont get me wrong, she can tell me no mommy I want to wear pink not blue and its not an issue.  She can even tell me no I want carrots not broccoli but she tells me no its not nap time or no shes not sharing then her butt goes to time out and occasionally gets a little red.  In short, a diva can be cute, but a diva needs to know she isn't the boss.  So lets move on to the "Yes Mom".

A "Yes Mom" is a mom who does whatever she can to make her child happy.  So when little Suzy starts screaming "I want candy!" in the checkout line, guess who gets candy so she shuts up?  When Billy starts throwing a full blown out tantrum in the resturant because he wants "Chocolate cake!" guess who gets chocolate cake so he shuts up?  Thats right ladies and gentlemen little Suzy and little Billy get whatever the hell they want because mom and dad dont want to be parents and say no.  Cause a scene and spank that ass!  Sorry I just had to yell that for once.  No honestly the correct way to handle a tantrum in public people is to remove the child from the situation not give in and say yes because you are worried how you look to other people or that your child will no longer love you.  Take them to the car.  Sit them in their seat, strap them in if need be and let them have their fit.  I will not argue with the fact that some times a kid needs to have a tantrum.  They have got to learn how to come down from that point of anger, frustration, whatever they are experiencing and the best way to do that is either a calm down corner or when in public the car.  I don't recommend doing the bathroom for a tantrum.  There is still too much going on.  You need a quiet place and parents you don't have to suffer here!  Stand outside the car!  Once your child has calmed down, talk to them then go back in and try again!  All you "Yes Moms" out there stop trying to please your child!  They should want to make you happy!  Not you always having to give them what they want because you think they wont love you anymore or whatever bullshit reason you come up with in your head.  Ugh.

OK now I am moving on to one of the most important things that no one ever seems to understand.  When you become a parent your life now revolves around their scheduled not your own anymore.  I mean yes you can be a little late for bed time every once in a while, I understand that there are times that you just can help it or even just for a fun thing every once in a while you break routine, nothing wrong with that.  I am talking about the parents who have little to no routine in their child's life.  If its nap time, guess what?  That means your ass is staying put til that kid has had a nap.  If its dinner time, you better be sitting down for dinner.  (Little tip, if you want a kid with table manners, eat at the freaking table!)  I hate to see a screaming kid rubbing their eyes and begging for food.  Look if you know your going to run into this problem and CANT avoid it, make sure that kid gets some type of power nap (even put them down earlier) and have a snack.  DONT and I really stress DONT give them sugar to "wake" them up.  Thats just bad parenting.  If they just had their blood taken and are crashing too fast and too hard give them sugar.  If they have low blood sugar, give them sugar, but dont give them sugar just because you werent (or choose not to) able to let them nap.  Here is our routine.  G gets up at about 830 and L 845-9.  We eat breakfast and G plays in her room while watching Mickey (nothing wrong with the tv in the room as long as its off when its sleep time).  Then lunch comes into play from 11 to 1130 (some times G eats a big breakfast in which case her lunch is 12 we are still working on proper eating habits for breakfast).  After lunch everyone is cleaned up and we pick up toys.  L goes down for a nap 1230-1 and G goes down at 1.  From 1230 to 4 the house is quiet.  G gets up at 3 and watches Max and Ruby while having a snack quietly in her room.  She then usually reads to me while I sew.  Once L is up I start dinner and the girls eat at 5.  730 L eats again after she and G get a bath.  L goes to bed at 830 and G at 9.  If G gets up we dont go oh well we say get in bed.  Our routine rarely gets broken.  I make doctors appointments based on this routine and if it has to be broken, I plan for it. 

Bottom line, sit down with you partner and talk about weather or not you should really be parents.  Dont just assume it will be all peachy because it wont.  You will epically fail at being a parent if you dont at least sit down and talk about each others ideas of parenting.  Please I am begging you.  I just might snap some day and parent that random child in the store who is being beyond a brat and it just might be your kid if you dont do something now.

So I've been thinking...

About being a WAHM (work at home mom).  I just started making diapers and already am making some for a friend and have another woman interested in me making her one.  I also just made a ton of baby legs for another woman.  I am getting really good at sewing and I just might start up a little store online.  I was thinking a facebook page.  Simple and easy.  I was also thinking about doing it once we are all settled in the new place, so it would be almost a year before I could do it, which would be kind of helpful.  Gives me time to work on my sewing more and get better at it.  It's just a thought.  I know my husband wants me to do this, he keeps insisting that I sell my stuff, but I worry about people being unsatisfied with what I have made.  Its scary in a way.  I put my hard work and energy into the things I make and I put love and thought into them too.  To then sell it to someone and have them say its horrible is kind of heart breaking.  Perhaps this is why I have never finished a book.... haha

So tell me oh faceless readers (if there are any of you out there anymore) If I were to start posting the things I made would you be as ruthless as possible and let me know if I should give a store a shot?

I just peed my pants.

You know there are some fairly embarrassing moments that I have had in my life.  For some reason peeing in my pants is the one that just keeps on repeating itself.  Now there was one moment when I was pregnant and sneezed and peed all over myself, that was an understandable moment, however every other time that I have urinated on myself is just plain embarrassing.  I should also state that every time I have peed my pants it has always 100% been my husbands fault (aside from the pregnancy one).  Seriously, the man knows of my weak bladder and will literally make me laugh until I am running to the bathroom and then blocks my way.  Jerk.  I think next time I go to pee my pants I'm going to grab him and hold on to him really tight and then just let it allllll go.  Yea.  I just peed my pants bitch. HA

My Glass is Empty, no really its empty.

So I had a date night with my husband for the first time since the first Monkey was born.  It was spectacular and let me tell you why.  For one I had a meal without any child interruption, that along was enough to make my night, but let me back up for a second and tell you about the before.  I decided since no child was going to be with us there was no need to let the "girls" be left in a mommy bra.  So I went with nice black Victoria Secrets bra and lets just say there were no secrets.  I thought though that if it was too much my good friend who was also watching the girls would say something...well she didnt.  I assumed that meant the girls looked good but not too good.  So we head out on our date night, girls free of the nursing bra, and husband and I free of children.

We went to a nice restaurant about 45 minutes away.  We both had one drink and I was well "libated" as my father would say, before our food even came.  I have been nursing for 7 months straight now so its not a surprise.  Anyways, we were laughing and having a wonderful time.  My eyes never left his and by God I swear we fell in love again.  It was like being out with my best friend in high school (did I forget to mention that was him? haha).  We had cajun food, good conversation, a live band starting up, and lots of sparks.  Then husband went to the bathroom.  I always feel a bit awkward sitting alone at a table.  Just feels like people are watching and well one guy was.  Randomly this waiter walks up to me and says

"What up son!?" I stare at him a moment and think I might know him then realize we arent in NY anymore.  He stares at me then says,

"Oh I dont know you."  My thought Ya think?  He then informs me that I look just like his friend blah blah blah.  He leaves and my husband returns.  I tell him the story and he laughs and says,

"Yea right I bet it was a bet.  Every guy who has walked past our table tonight has been staring at your boobs!"  Right then three guys walk by and everyone single one of them looked at my boobs.  I was shocked.  Why hadnt he told me this before we left the house?  Course by this time it was almost nursing time and so they were only getting fuller! 

Husband pays for the dinner and we are on our way out, well as luck would have it we get caught in a crowded area and Mr. Hey Son stares at my breast while walking backwards trying to act like he is just letting us threw.  Thankfully husband didnt have a chance to punch him in the face because I didnt tell him til we were already at the car. 

Though our night was great, my breast were eye raped.  Anyways it was still the best date night ever.  I am pretty sure we watched a movie when we got home, but ended up being too tired to finish it.

Oh and as for the title my glass is really empty.  I need more water just too lazy to get it.

A Do Over.

So as of late I have been having a dream that is basically the same.  Same person, same situation, same ending, slightly different details, and it has got me thinking of a do over.  If you could have a do over in life would you take it?  Or maybe just a glimpse into it?  I think I would take a glimpse...

So lets start off by giving my husband the life he should have had.  Both his parents average hard working, responsible people.  They met, fell in love and have 5 wonderful sons who they raised together.  His mother was caring, loving, and devoted to not only her children but her husband.  There was never a fire, no youngest brother dieing, and life for the most part was an ordinary family.  I would assume this means he would have remained in Michigan.  (I'm already sad to have lost the love of my life...)

OK so 10th Grade for myself rolls around.  Do I still meet Kyle?  Yes I think so.  I think that is something in my do over that needs to remain the same, however the way it ended shall change.  Since my husband is no longer in the picture he is now forced to use his other best friend as a means of breaking up with me.  I still will not take it well.  But instead of having my small lapse in judgement and breaking down in my cousins arms in the middle of the hallway I will instead hold my head high walk right up to him and slap him.  Justice and karma all in one.  And since I know none of my faceless readers (aside from possibly one) I will tell you why I slap him.  Day one we meet, we kiss, we are giddy, it is too good to be true.  Week one, we are in love.  End of week one, I believe that he loves me oh so much (stupid 16 year old me) that I give him my virginity.  Week two still in love.  Week three....end of week three is end of relationship.  He lied, he used me, and he weakened me.  Thus slap in the face and I regain my strength.  Now my options are endless, but I think I know where it would have gone.  10th grade year would come and go and I would remain single.  There was no one I was interested in because again husband is out of the picture.  I will enjoy my summer with best friend.  We will not have a falling out and because of this she may not end up making some of the bad choices she did during our summer apart.  My summer will be boring, yet sparked with moments of fun.  My parents would give me more freedom, I may even spend more then just a week at my sisters house in Fayettville.  From there my 11th grade year will start.

In my AP English I will end up sitting between my friend Elisha (who will now remain my friend because our other friend will have no reason to suddenly hate me due to my boyfriend and her boyfriend getting into a fight) and my friend Wesley.  Beside him will be Seth.  Wesley and Seth will also be in my History class where I sit in between them.  We are chatty in both classes and the only ones in History who can answer a question.  We pay zero attention in our AP class because our teacher is amazing and all of our work is done before most others.  Seth and I flirt, but nothing more.  One day however we will get into an interesting conversation about how far we have gone...I will be shocked to find out I have gone the farthest.  He does not judge me and says something that I have only ever heard one other guy say.  He was waiting for the right one.  This is where things for me change.  In the real life I found this sweet.  He made me remember just why I was in love with the man (or boy at the time) I was with, but in this glimpse, it will mean something else.  He dates a mutual friend who for some reason gives me evil looks.  I still to this day do not know why though I suspect that it was because she had seen us flirting before they became a couple.  The relationship does not last long and we go back to flirting.  In the real life this is innocent meaning less and in this fake life I assume thats all it is as well.  On our last day of 11th grade, I will do something crazy because it is our last day and I know I can do this and run afterwards and not have to deal with any easy let downs.  I will right a note.

-Seth?

It will now be passed to Wesley who will read it and chim in

-Can I read this too?
-Sure why not I am feeling crazy today now pass it on and no commenting.

He passes it, Seth reads, laughs slightly then respones.

-Yes?
-Can I tell you something that may suddenly and drastically change our relationship into an awkwardness it may never recover from?  (Yes I really did talk like this in High School)
Seth and Wesley read it together and again Seth laughs

-Sure.
-I am fairly certain that I have a crush on you.  I do not know why I feel the need to tell you this espically with only five minutes left in the class and on the last day of seeing you every day.  Maybe because I know that after I finish writing this and hand it over I will suddenly reget it and want to to take it all back because I will be too embarrassed to see if you have anything to say.  In fact I know how to fix this.

From here I mark threw with a straight line everything I have just written and simply put Nevermind at the end, fold it in half, leave it sitting at my end of the desk, and ask to be excused.  While I am leaving they both scramble for the paper.  I have a small break down in the bathroom then remind myself I only have to make it threw lunch and two more classes before school is officially out.  And then the bell rings.  I  return to class to find no one there and my bag gone.  That is when my stupidity hits me.  We have history together...which is right across the hall...and where my bag is....damn them both for taking my bag.  Its something they have done before and I thought it was nice, now I hate them both.

Since it is the last day this means that little miss student teacher who uprooted Seth, Wes, and I from our perfect little three chair row by the windows has no say in what we do.  I see this as soon as I walk in.  My assigned seat has been taken, my old seat between my boys (who I hate now because they both are out to get me) has my bag and a folded piece of paper.  I sit down, Seth in front of me Wes behind.  Neither say a word but Wes' smirk makes me want to vomit.  I slip the paper into my bag.  We are told that today we can do whatever we want.  What the f Miss student Teacher?  For the last half of this year you have made my life hell and now you end it with just making it worse.  I grab a book and ignore Seth as he turns around.  He talks to Wes all period, occasionally nudging my bag... 

Bell rings.  Lunch thank God.  I go to sit at my table and ignore the note.  I make occasional glances towards Seth and Wes across the room wondering if the laughing they are all doing is because my note has been told about.

I ignore the damn thing all day.  This is how I was.  I would not admit that there was a response, a response I could not handle.  Rejection and I did not go over well.  But see Seth was that guy in High School who would do over the top things.  He was the guy who would go to the football games painted orange and black.  He dressed up as a girl for Halloween in a very short shirt.  He was that guy.  You loved him or hated him.  Girls loved him, guys...not so much unless of course they were doing it with him.  Anyways, so I would go to my locker and find him talking to Katie.  What the crap?  I would empty my locker while he leaned against hers staring at me smiling.  I would finally acknowledge him.

-I have not read it, I already know what it says.  Why must you drag this out?
-Read it.
-In front of you?  How cruel.
I open it, and it says nothing.  I look up in time for his lips to meet mine.  That is where my glimpse ends.  I dont know if we would have stayed together.  I do know I would have ended up in Fayettville (which is where he went to college ironically) and most likely would have ended up a bartender.  I dont know why I just feel like I would have been a bartender.  The rest of my what if life is up in air. 

I like to think about its ending though.  Some how I would have ended up in New York City.  A writer at heart, but a bartender to make rent.  One night a bunch of soldiers would have walked into my bar while on leave.  One would attract my attention.  Browns eyes, lean muscular body, and more reserved then the rest.  One of them would approach me asking for shots and calling me sweat heart.  I knew his type well and would hand him his shots and say in a nice southern accent "Hear ya go Sweet Heart"  That would get me attention at the table as his walked back.  Sure enough as they became more and more drunk, the one who caught my eye would come to me.  We would talk and from there my Do Over would go back onto the right path.  I would fall in love a little older and wiser, but with the same man I did in the 10th grade.  I would have my two wonderful girls a little later in life and I would be sitting here today watching my smallest ninja figure out the baby monitor.

Hope you enjoyed my short story of A Do Over.

I'm not Supermom, that bitch has balls.

So today was a little crazy though what day isn't.  It started out slow of course.  We got home super late last night, so we all slept in, husband so wonderfully got up with girls and I slept for an extra hour or so.  It was nice.  Miss L took a 3 hour nap and the husband and I enjoyed some alone time during the 2 hour nap G took.  Once both girls got up we headed out to the store.  I didn't honestly think it would be a bad trip.  I figured L would not need her 5:30 nap.  I knew dinner time would be an issue since we would still be shopping when 5 hit, so I brought along a mum mum for L and made sure to nurse her before we left.  She had a sippy with an oz of juice and the rest water.  She was doing good for a while eating her mum mum and drinking her juice, but then she wanted that damn nap.  I of course forgot toys.  Thankfully we were almost done when she was getting to the beyond point.  G did awesome until daddy gave her a bit too much freedom and she thought running threw the drink/snack part of the store was a game.  That one was not fun.  Anyways by the time we made it home it was almost kick off time for the husbands game.  Both girls wanted food, L wanted me and only me and I was suddenly freaking out.  I needed to eat husband was no help and I didn't want to bother him.  I finally asked for help and he was fine to help me.  L was late on her 730 cereal feeding and didn't get it until 8 so she was cranky and falling asleep in her highchair.  All the cold stuff was put up but the kitchen was a wreck.  G wanted attention and to play with her new books and computer game but I didn't have time to give her the attention.  I kept promising her later and she kept getting upset knowing her bed time was coming.  I was rushing and stressing out.  I kept thinking I have to get this done and this done and it has to be done before this time, I was going mad.  Then while bathing Miss L it hit me.  I didn't need to get everything done.  The kitchen could wait until after both girls had gone to bed.  L needed to be in bed by 830 because we are breaking her of co-sleeping and trying to get her to self soothe, but G didn't have to be in bed by 9.  She could stay up a little longer and get the attention that she needs from mommy.  If she asked to go to bed or started to get cranky then ok, but otherwise its not a big deal.  Once I figured that out life got easier, I got L to bed before 830 (she was so tired) and got to spend some time with my two year old who as usual blew my freaking mind. 

I got her two new books (she picked one out and the other was to replace one she colored in) and then I got her some cards that come together to form a picture and a three letter word.  I also got her a computer game to help her learn her shapes and colors (which we have never really worked on).  Both said for ages three and up.  Now because of your baby can read, G recognizes some words, so I'm never too surprised when she reads a word to me.  We first sat down with the computer game.  Numbers was up first which she pretty much blew threw that one.  She can count to 15, so yea.  Next we did colors.  That one was a little harder for us and one we'll have to keep working on, but she did start to catch on by the time we were finished.  Knowing my little ninja she'll have it down by tomorrow haha.  Next up shapes.  She started out very weak.  Then about half way threw she didn't need my help what so ever.  She was pointing to all the right shapes and saying their names everything.  The husband came in as we were finishing up (half time) and was blown away himself by how good she was doing.  I couldn't believe it.  These are things a 3 year old are suppose to be doing and shes already there.  The last part of the game we didn't really get into.  She was getting tired, so we moved on to our card game.  That was interesting.  We were spelling out the word and she kept saying the next letter to come after what we would say (example I was spelling ape.  I would say A she would say B.  I'd say P she would Q.)  She did catch on though and tell us what the word was (based on looking at the picture it formed) and we would talk about the picture and the word.  As well as sound it out and spell it.  She was getting tired and board, but still hanging in there.  Next we read.  It was nice to sit and read to her.  I haven't sat and read to her in a while and I find it interesting that every time we read something new she is able to sit and listen to a book that has more then one sentence on a page.  She likes books that have several sentences on the page and it doesn't have to just be a Dr. Seuss book anymore.  She's branched out and is becoming her own little person.  After that we said goodnight to daddy, headed to the bathroom and brushed our teeth.  She demanded I floss them (she thinks its the coolest thing ever) and then she put on a pull up.  I was surprised when she didn't fight me on this one.  She always says she wants to wear panties, but she did look sad so I told her I was going to try and make her some special big girl panties for bed time.  That seemed to cheer her up.  After that she laid down and only got up once.  Its amazing to watch her grow and I beat myself up for not giving her more time.  Its hard when L is so demanding of my attention though.  She does need me more since she is a 6 month old infant, but I worry G thinks I like L more than her.  She comes into our room every morning and sees L in bed with mommy and daddy.  L's crib is in mommy and daddy's room.  L's clothes and diapers are in mommy and daddy's room.  I worry she thinks she isn't as apart of us as L is.  I know once we are out of the army and have a bigger house it wont be that way so much and I try my best to explain to G that she is a big girl and gets to have all this big girl stuff, but I don't think its enough for her.  Before L she had me all to herself, and now not so much.  I have to sacrifice even more time to myself for her.  I don't mean that in a bad or selfish manner I just mean my break from being a mom and wife seems to become shorter and shorter, so not only do I find myself not giving G, my husband, and even L at times not enough attention so that I can get other things around the house done, but I find that I am losing myself in the mix.  Its hard to hold on to who I am outside of my family when almost the whole of me is consumed by them.  I need to find some me time, and I think if I could, I would not only be a happier person, but I would feel more like a person and not just a mom and wife.  I have a few projects coming up (of course they are for my girls, but they are also for me because I will be making them which makes me happy) that I hope will help me let go of stress.  I have to find time to do them, but I think I can get them done during nap time and G's quiet time (which is L's nap time).  I am hoping I "find" myself in the mix of all this chaos soon.  I love my smart little monkeys and their ninja tendencies and I love my husband and his very honest way of thinking, but I need to be more than just "homemaker".  I'm not looking to be Supermom, but maybe I am looking to earn those pearls she wears.

My Children Don't Grow, They are just Little Ninjas

My five month old crawls.  She is pulling herself up into a standing position and has even taken a few steps.  She is falling off the growth chart but is as healthy as can be.  Her 2 year old sister started crawling at 4 months and was furniture cruising by 6 months.  She fell completely off the growth chart for almost a year when she turned one.  There was nothing wrong with her despite how hard they tried to find something wrong with her.  She is healthy, she is strong, she is perfect.  However, she needs extra calories because she burns so much.  She needs whole milk for its extra fat content.  She drinks a pedisure a day because like most toddlers she eats small amounts and some days nothing at all so she needs the extra nutrition.  She eats her veggies (loved broccoli) and most days her meats (chicken seems to be a favorite here).  We do not fry most of our foods.  Its baked or grilled.  We buy as much natural fresh foods as possible.  She is active and healthy.  So what is my point?

Society is lazy.  It has made it ok to be fat and unhealthy.  People feed their 9 month old babies french fries.  Instead of following the rainbow method of feeding, Gerber baby food gives mainly bland choices.  Their mixed foods are two simple choices mixed together.  They dont branch out and neither do the parents which cause children to become picky.  Our lives are "busy" so its easier to grab something and bring it home instead of taking out the time to make it.  People tend to give their children high in fat foods because its faster more often instead of taking out time and giving them something healthy and teaching them that fast food is ok in moderation.

Here is just how screwed up things are.  When G was 6 months old she had to have her blood drawn.  She had a fever without a cause so they were checking for a virus.  Poor baby screamed.  It took myself and two other nurses to hold her down while a third nurse took the blood.  After it was all said and done I was holding her and soothing her.  She was calming down fairly quickly.  An older nurse who had been at the doorway came over and said to her "Oh poor baby.  You need to tell momma to take you straight to Mcdonald's and get you some fries."  She was 6 months old and this woman wanted me to get her some fries.  She than looked at me and said that her 6 month old grandson loves them.  I just smiled politely.  Moving forward a few months, I take her to her WIC appointment and she has barely gained a pound.  They lecture me telling me she is not eating enough and needs to be feed more fatty foods.  One woman said "Give her Mcdonald's if she'll eat it."  I never did and thankfully that was our last visit with WIC.  I had hoped forever, but then number two came along.  Fast forward a little more.  Miss G has not gained a pound in three months.  Her doctor said give her anything she will eat.  Give her ice cream.  I told him the type of ice cream we buy, which was an all natural brand, and he told me that its perfect because the all natural brands are actually higher in fat.  He did not recommend fast foods or fried foods, just foods like avocados that are higher in fat.  I liked this doctor.  Fast forward to now and WIC.  I was told G needed to remain on whole Milk and keeping up a pedisure a day would be best for her.  I dont know if anyone reading this has ever bought pedisure but it can be expensive.  So we get a voucher from WIC for it.  It was also stated by my Peds. Doctor to put her back on Whole Milk.  I called the office asking what I needed to bring them for this to happen and they told me a subscription would work just fine.  So I do this.  I am then informed that they can not give a child over 2 whole milk.  It is against their rules even with a doctors note.  I asked what I am suppose to do then.  The nurse said to me "Well you can add some butter in her food."  Butter...I mentally bitched slapped her.  Next she proceeds to tell me that the only difference between whole milk and 2% is its fat contain... Really....  She is partially right.  The other difference is that 2% is more proceeded than Whole Milk, which means more is done to it, more is taken out of it, which than means more has to be added back into it which is yet another process.  I have the benifit of being on a military base, which means that though I am on WIC I do not have to get that crappy Great Value stuff that Wal Mart offers.  I am actually able to get a rather healthy close to organic milk but that still doesnt mean that their 2% is just as good as whole Milk.  I wish so very badly to be off WIC and hopefully we will be able to in a few months once we are out of the Army.  Anyways back to my conversation (you'll have to forgive my heading off topic, I just watched L fall asleep while playing in her Jumperoo).  She then tells me that her weight is perfect for her height and that honestly she doesnt even see the need for the max amount of pedisure we are getting...really?  I forgot you were her doctor and know every last detail about this child.  You were the non existent person standing silently in the corner the other day at her check up right?  And you know she has grown since the last time you checked her height over 6 months ago.  Her height is now in the 20% but her weight is just barely there.  Freaking moron.

Because of uneducated people and heathly options most often not being an option on the kids menu these days, toddlers are obese.  Because of that the American Socity of Peds. has made a law that no child on WIC over the age of 2 shall be allowed to have whole milk for any reason, or at least thats what this nurse told me.  I cant even go to the store and buy yogurt that isnt reduced fat or fat free.  I get hell from doctors and nurses saying my children are too small (until they review their records and this new peds. being the exception) and yet when I try to give her things to help put more weight on her, I have almost zero healthy options.  WTF?

OK little side rant here.  Bumbo, we have one, we love it.  Used it for G and she would try to wiggle her way out of it, but I never just left her there unattended, I am not a moron.  I will admit to having her on the table with the little tray attached so that I could feed her, but again I never walked away.  There was no way she could have harmed herself in this seat...unless of course I walked away which I did not.  So how can people sue over being an epic fail at the first rule of parenting?  If you order a steaming hot cup of coffee and take a huge gulp and get burned you cant bitch about it because you ordered a steaming hot cup of coffee.  You are putting a child in a seat that has no restraint.  Common sense should state that leaving said child in said seat with no one around or out of grabbing distance is not a good idea.  We put L in her's to take a bath with her sister.  Because she is only 13 lbs and this seat was not designed to be put in water unless held down by a heavier child it floats.  HUGE drowning risk IF I left her unattended, which I do not.  My husband also discovered that over time our Bumbo took on water due to a small hole (this thing was handed down after use with two other children) so now it does not float, but that doesnt mean I'm going to walk away and let a 2 year old be the judge of weather or not her sisters head should remain under water should something go horribly wrong.  Some people should not have children.  And you know they recalled these once before to change the warning label which now states not to leave children unattended in them.  Am I the only person who reads that shit and takes it serious?  Personally after that recall and the updated warning label any lawsuit filed after that should have been thrown out.  Read the freaking warning label.  We told you not to leave your kid unattended or on high surfaces.  Did you listen?  No?  Well that sucks good luck living with knowing it was your own damn fault.

So in conclusion to my rantings of the evening, I leave you with this.  My children dont grow up quickly.  They dont grow much at all.  They do however sneak up on me (tip toeing as G says), giggle behind shower curtains, bang on bathroom doors, roar loudly in public places, fall asleep while jumping in jumperoos, and destroy my living room in 2.5 seconds.  They have conversations together in their own language (though G speaks in full clear sentences), whine more days than not, plot their dangerous stunt of the day, and rock Sammy's nerves more than my own.  They ride Sammy like a horse, pull Sid's hair and G carries her around by the throat saying "I got her I got her".  Despite the age difference they act like sisters, loving each other one minute and fighting over a doll the next.  They are my perfectly petite little red headed girls and I am most certainly positive that they are horrible little ninjas.

I swear we should just take the warning labels off everything.

OK there are some people who just really are beyond retarded.  Dont get me wrong, there are situations that I understand can not be helped, but I am so tired of people going on to facebook and twitter and all other media sites asking for freaking hand outs.  Most of you know that my husband is at the shit end of the stick when it comes to the Army.  He does not make near enough for the crap that he does.  The Army has broken him in more than one way and yet, aside from the just married oops need mom, we have not asked for hand outs.  And every money loan my family has ever given us was paid back in full.  Back to rant.  If you cant afford the two kids you have already you better damn sure not get pregnant with another one.  If that means dont have sex than dont freaking have sex and if you get pregnant I dont care how freaking sick you are get up off your ass and get a damn job.  Cancel your cable, your internet, down grade your phone plan, suck it up and make money.  My sister was almost 6 months pregnant, sick as hell and got a job because they needed the money.  She didnt go on any social media site begging for free baby stuff or bitching about how she wasnt going to be able to pay her rent.  Like seriously?  And ya know heres another one that really pisses me off.  People bitching and complaining about how they cant feed their kids or pay their bills and then 2 days later saying they just got a new car.  What the crap?  And I dont want any of this well the economy is bad bullshit.  If the guy who just jumped the boarder can get a job day two of being in America so can you.

Now I have not been following the politics as of late.  I have two kids and not a lot of down time.  I do however know I will not be going Obama because I have paid enough attention to know I do not want the direction in which his mandatory health care plan is going.  I also did not vote for him in the first place so why the hell would I do it now?  Anyways I do have reasons of why I dont like him, what pisses me off is the fact that dumbass college and fresh out of high school kids are saying I'm going to vote for him and when asked why they say because I think he's cool.  That is the only reason.  They dont know anything that he stands for.  They just think he's cool.  I just think your a moron like the person who sued McDonalds for not informing them that the steaming cup of coffee they just ordered would burn them.

Speaking of fast food, go Chik-fil-a for using their constitutional rights.  No Im not against gay marriage.  I have friends who are gay and love them just the same.  I dont think they will burn in hell but I dont think Chik-fil-a should get shit for being a conservative christian run business.  Im not going to stop eating there (not that I really do, but now I will make a point to if the option arises).  People need to stop looking for the most retarded things to attack and join together.  I mean look around you.  All you are doing is helping the government that is currently in control take away our rights.

Next point, guns.  I read this amazing quote the other day "So you say...that if we take away the guns people wont kill each other?  Really, I never realized Cain shot Abel with a .45"  People will find other ways of killing each other.  A gun does not go off on its own.  People kill people not guns.  A gun my assist, but it didnt sit there on the couch and say "Hey I've got an idea, lets go and slaughter a crap ton of people tonight."

Mass punishment is another one really bugging me lately.  Just because someone screwed up does not mean that everyone who was in a 50 mile radius of the asshole should be punished as well.  Gun laws could go along with this one pretty well.  The main reason people want to ban guns is because some screwed up in the head jerk decided to shoot up a store or market.  I did not do this, I would never do this, so why am I getting shit for it?

Speaking of punishment, why am I paying for three meals a day and a dental/healthcare plan for the assholes in prison?  What kind of punishment is this?  They are there as punishment, not a freaking trip to the holiday inn.  Granted there are gangs and dangers.  I know its not all fun and games, but I honestly dont want to pay to have their lives elongated. 

So all I am saying is if we took the warning labels off everything and let the problem solve itself, life would be much simpler. 

Seriously?

So I was scanning threw my facebook this morning when I came across an article about a pregnant woman who was denied a glass of wine by a waiter at a restaurant.  The woman said her OB oked it and the waiter simply replied "yea Ive heard that before".  For one bitch isnt getting a tip.  For two she basically refused to serve this woman simply because she was pregnant (which she had no proof of until the woman said her OB was cool with it).  If there was a restaurant policy against it, would have been posted some where and the waiter would have HAD to say its against policy, but NO instead she was a snippy little bitch about it.  I drank wine in my last 2 weeks of pregnancy in an attempt to get Miss L out of me.  It did not work and it wasnt even 6 ozs of wine, it was like 4.  Just enough to make me want more, but not dare do it.  Now I could understand if the woman had been like "Hey I want two tequila slammers and a pitcher of beer", but she didnt.  She asked for a small glass of wine.  So again I say Bitch isnt getting a tip.  Rant one over.

So I'm rocking Miss L yesterday.  Miss G is enjoying a puzzle on the floor and for a small moment in our day, the house is at peace.  Everyone has had lunch, so bellies are full and nap time is only 30 minutes away, bliss.  Then the phone rings.  Its the darling husband.  When I answer he seems happy, so when he asked me if a friends mother worked at the water company I had zero idea where this was going.  We had recently (by recently I mean memorial day) run into this friend and her mother and sister while in Walmart.  We were visiting my family (which I still am) and chatted up with them for a few minutes catching up. Fast forward back to the husband and his question.  I told him yes and he told me his father had just called.  Again no idea by his tone where this is going.  When his father went to pay his water bill, he saw our friends mother.  She was telling him how she saw his gorgeous Granddaughters in Wal Mart.  Still not getting where this is going, and honestly its my fault for not seeing it coming.  His father was calling to bitch out my dear sweet husband for being in town and "not telling him"

ONE.  We did tell him two weeks before we came.  Informed him we would only be in town for 6 days and planned on going to the zoo.  His response: If you dont want me to see them then just tell me.

TWO:  My husband and I have given that jackass notice of every time we will be coming to visit so that he can make plans to see his now granddaughters.  His response: You wont bring them over to my house.

SIDENOTE: His woman did a drug deal while my husband was there on a day Miss G and I were suppose to go over but didnt due to me getting violently ill.

TWO A: Husband explained for the 152nd time that he was forced to grow up around that stuff and will not allow his children to be put into any type of situation like that.  Not only could that have caused him to loose his daughter had she been with him, but it could destroy his career.  His fathers response: So you dont trust me.  You always try and get us to go out to eat when you come to town at really expensive places and we dont have money for that shit.  Why cant you choose some place like Mc Donalds?

THREE:  We only suggested we go out to eat once and it was at Christmas.  Told you about it a month in advance so that everyone could come up with the maybe 40 dollars it would cost (two people can eat at this particular restaurant for around 25 dollars...) and left it up to you and everyone else to decide where you wanted to eat.  Though we dont eat Mc Donalds nor do we allow our 2 year old to eat it, we would have gladly sat with you and visited.  His response: If you dont want me in your life just say so.

After a few more low blows from his father and him informing my husband that he needs to get HIS life together (which is laughable because my husband works his ass off and though he is getting out of the Army he already has another job lined up) my husband had had enough.  He informed him yet again that he had never denied him access to his granddaught(s) but since he seems to convinced that my husband wants nothing to do with him then fine.  My husband will no longer be calling his father and when we come to town it will not be to see him.  He wont be telling him and will have nothing to do with him from this point on.

This is not the first fall out they have had.  The first was when his father decided he was going to beat him.  My husband was 17, a skater, in wonderful health, and beat the hell out of his father.  Did his father throw the first punch and get a hit in, yes.  Bruised his face and cut his lip, did my husband hold back when he was defending himself?  No and had to be pulled off of his father.  My husband is not an angry man, but after the years of crap his father has put him and his brothers threw I didnt blame him.  His father was the one who made a move to make peace right before my husband left for basic.  Their relationship has be rocky but up until yesterday it has also been ok.  I dont think there will be much coming back from this.

Now for the last of my Seriously? moments.  After five days of little sleep due to a sick colicy baby, my phone rings yet again.  It is my husband and he sounds panicked.  He tells me someone just called him telling him that I am about to go to jail because I was suppose to show up for Jury duty and never did.  He gives me a number to call.  I call it.  After listening to it and getting pissed waiting for the option of speak to a human being it informs me that this is a joke.  I refuse to take my husbands phone calls. 

With a toddler on my hip and a baby on my breast...

I took an extended leave of absence. Life tends to get in the way of silly things like a blog with faceless readers but for today I am back. Life for myslef is beyond what I could have ever imagined. I have been blessed with two wonderful children and a devoted husband. Despite how we may fight that man has and always will stand by my side threw anything. I owe him not only my heart (which is his and most certainly will always belong to him) but I also owe him my gratitude for without all his hard work I would not be where I am today which is at home with our darling girls.

I remember when I was pregnant with our first little monkey and my aunt and cousin thought I was beyond mad for saying I was planning on going completely natural. Little did I know then that soon not only my extended family would find my parenting choices less then modern but so would almost every stranger I would soon come across.

Once our first little monkey arrived I tried my damnest for the first 6 weeks to breast feed. It ended the day monkey and I both were crying hieratically over my breast. I had some guilt but knew in the end I was doing what was best for my child. Our next issue came in the form of diapers. Pampers were the only ones that saved my little one from the horrors called rashes. Huggies burned her skin and after the horror stories I had heard from parents choice users I didn't even bother. Now as an uneducated new mother I had no idea of my "other" options.

When someone says cloth diapers most have this mental picture of folded cloth and rubber pants. They picture a hassle and horrible smelling laundry rooms, or at least that's what I pictured. I pictured leaks, stained clothing, and a sudden hatred for parenting. Little did I know cloth diapers have advanced to fit modern society, not that people who use disposables ever admit it, but after a year of buying pampers that never had her size in stock, I decided to look into it. Honestly I owe it all to my friend. She too was tired of the added expense and wanted something better.

I tried them and loved them but then disaster hit. We can call it a night of passion or we can call it what it was. A natural fail in pity sex. In my never ending crusade to stick to the natural right of things we had decided to practice the rythme method. I will simply say it invovles knowing your body which I did very well so well in fact that when saying what I did to my husband that one night of "passion" I had also known that that day was a no no day. But things happened and about six weeks later the strip showed two very clear lines. So with a toddler on my hip the emotional roller coaster began. And thanks to these little things called hormones the fluff was put up. I could not with stand the poop. A few months later I pulled the fluff out again and we gave it another go. After one horrible rash we jumped on the potty train. Our little monkey was a champ, so long as she was naked. As my belly grew and Christmas loomed a head of us I had a naked toddler running loose in my house. We packed up her fluff, threw some clothes on that naked butt, and headed to grandmas. Of course disaster struck again in the form of family problems and one messed up back. Monkey reverted back to full time fluff. Still though my belly grew and monkey number two was soon to arrive. I worried as I watched the bills and knew diapers weren't in the cards. I began then to research different kinds of cloth, bought a diaper sprayer and broke our bank account making sure both my little monkeys have enough fluff for their cute little butts. I got looks, I got eye rolls, and I got comments when my cute little monkey walked in with that cute little fluff butt. I simply smiled and said yes we cloth diaper.

Enter monkey number two. She came in with a bang, the cord wrapped around her head, shoulder's, and a big old tight knot. Her heart rate kept dropping and had my water not broken when it did she might not even be here today. Breastfeeding was to say the least diffecult for the first two weeks. We stuck to pampers to help with the stress until life settled down and until our little monkey could fit her fluff. Soon though I had the breastfeeding down and both girls with cute fluff butts. Oh I got looks. Nursing in public, changing cloth diapers, wearing my youngest in a sling or wrap. People thought I was crazy. I am constantly asked how I do it. I simply smile and shrug. Truthfully I have no idea. I notice that I drink more coffee now and watch little tv. My own personal wants come last. I sacrifice showers for sleep and nice clothes for comfy sweats. I some how just get by. Most days I am beyond tired. My poor body needs major attention after carying and delivering two healthy babies and I plan on gettimg on top of that soon. For now though I go threw my days clothing one, potty trainging the other and walking around with a toddler on my hip and a baby on my breast.