"Lets have kids!" You really shouldnt have had kids...

So I always knew I wanted children.  And I always knew how I would parent my children.  Its similar to how I was parented, but a bit more relaxed and open.  We spank, we do time out, and we explain why we were spanked or put in time out.  We are stern, have boundaries, invisible lines our children know not to cross and are firm believers that its never too early to learn the word NO.  G knew no by the time she was 6 months.  L is learning no.  It hurts her feelings to get into any type of trouble, though she has also discovered how fun of a game it can be (for her anyways) to do things she isn't suppose to.

Now when I met my husband we talked about kids and about parenting (yes at the young tender age of 16 we were talking babies).  We both agreed children after marriage was a definite and we both agreed we wanted kids young so not only could we run around and enjoy them, but we could still have a life after they left the nest.  We also agreed on parenting styles.  It was a match made in heaven, thus the green light for us to have kids.  Our children do not throw food in restaurants or demand things.  They do not demand sugar or sweets and would take a huge bowl of veggies over chips any day.  Our children have manners, our two year old can hold a conversation (very well) with any adult and all because we taught her bottle, momma, daddy, dog, cat, eat ect and not baba dadda, ma, do do, kit kit, num nums, ect.  From the day my kids popped out of the womb I addressed them as young human beings, not helpless brained damaged aliens.  I will admit it has taken L a bit longer then her sister to become vocal.  However I have to say its probably because there is a lot more noise going on around her then there was with just G.  L is starting to say Momma, and my husband and I both encourage her by pronouncing it correctly when she attempts it.  We do the same when she starts shouting "Ada" at an attempt to get her daddy's attention.  She is now working on "dada" which is fine if she calls him that, but we will still encourage daddy. 

Now my point to this was not to brag about my wonderful smart little girls, though bragging is always nice.  No my point was my kids are 2 and 8 months and they are well behaved, so explain to me why I watched a three year old who cant vocalize shit and still refers to a cup as a baba?  Well my dear readers let me tell you why.  Its because his mother and father most likely never sat down and talked about kids.  See daddy would love to just spank him when his son blatantly disobeys him, but his mother freaks out.  His mother refuses to realize that her son knows better then to jump up and down on the couch and knows not to grab things off the table.  She refuses to realize her son is not a baby.  So dad sits in the sidelines and gets looks while mom lets son run around unsupervised in stores.  Mom also gives "baba" of chocolate milk when she lays son down in bed, and if son falls and barely hits his head she completely freaks out.  Her screaming is what made him scream, and how does she calm down a screaming "baby"?  CANDY! 

Now I am not a believer in beating your children, spanking is not beating.  Now if the kid has bruises on their butt then yes ok your are more then likely beating your child, but see parents now a days think that anything that makes a kid cry is beating.  So by that logic, putting my toddler in time out is beating.  Anyways, because of this issue, it has become harder and harder to punish a child in a store.  So we do the good old "If you dont straighten up right now I am taking you to the bathroom for a butt spank" This is my husbands favorite go to, I however am a fan of "Girl I will put you in time out right here in this isle if you dont knock it off"  That one works better.  Why?  Public humiliation.  Not that I think thats a good thing, but some times you need to take that kid to the bathroom and spank that bottom or place that bottom on the floor of isle 3.  But do you ever see anyone doing this?  Nope and why?  Because that bitch with 5 kids running a muck gives you a look that says "I'm calling CPS on your ass" and you never go to that store ever again.  I however have developed a contour look.  Its says "Do it".  There are two things I know about CPS.  One they really dont give a shit and two if they do give a shit and find you are putting your kids in time out they turn around and never look your way again.  And this is how I know they dont give a shit.  I talked to CPS.  I told them about a father who was indeed beating his son and wife.  Nothing ever happened.  Whats worse is I didnt even make the call, his wife did.  I was called to confirm it basically.  So my advice is discipline your child, no matter who is watching.  If you aren't harming your child but doing what is best your are in the green (if you happen to be a child abuser and think that is best go punch yourself in the face 12 times really hard and see if you still feel beating is the answer).

Now I have seen a lot of diva toddlers in my day (and diva children).  There is nothing wrong with a little girl or even a little boy having an attitude.  We all have attitudes and its part of our personality, but when that attitude turns into disrespect then we got a problem.  When G tells me no and its not a yes or no question she gets put in her place.  She has lately been diva-ing it up which has landed her in a lot of time outs.  Dont get me wrong, she can tell me no mommy I want to wear pink not blue and its not an issue.  She can even tell me no I want carrots not broccoli but she tells me no its not nap time or no shes not sharing then her butt goes to time out and occasionally gets a little red.  In short, a diva can be cute, but a diva needs to know she isn't the boss.  So lets move on to the "Yes Mom".

A "Yes Mom" is a mom who does whatever she can to make her child happy.  So when little Suzy starts screaming "I want candy!" in the checkout line, guess who gets candy so she shuts up?  When Billy starts throwing a full blown out tantrum in the resturant because he wants "Chocolate cake!" guess who gets chocolate cake so he shuts up?  Thats right ladies and gentlemen little Suzy and little Billy get whatever the hell they want because mom and dad dont want to be parents and say no.  Cause a scene and spank that ass!  Sorry I just had to yell that for once.  No honestly the correct way to handle a tantrum in public people is to remove the child from the situation not give in and say yes because you are worried how you look to other people or that your child will no longer love you.  Take them to the car.  Sit them in their seat, strap them in if need be and let them have their fit.  I will not argue with the fact that some times a kid needs to have a tantrum.  They have got to learn how to come down from that point of anger, frustration, whatever they are experiencing and the best way to do that is either a calm down corner or when in public the car.  I don't recommend doing the bathroom for a tantrum.  There is still too much going on.  You need a quiet place and parents you don't have to suffer here!  Stand outside the car!  Once your child has calmed down, talk to them then go back in and try again!  All you "Yes Moms" out there stop trying to please your child!  They should want to make you happy!  Not you always having to give them what they want because you think they wont love you anymore or whatever bullshit reason you come up with in your head.  Ugh.

OK now I am moving on to one of the most important things that no one ever seems to understand.  When you become a parent your life now revolves around their scheduled not your own anymore.  I mean yes you can be a little late for bed time every once in a while, I understand that there are times that you just can help it or even just for a fun thing every once in a while you break routine, nothing wrong with that.  I am talking about the parents who have little to no routine in their child's life.  If its nap time, guess what?  That means your ass is staying put til that kid has had a nap.  If its dinner time, you better be sitting down for dinner.  (Little tip, if you want a kid with table manners, eat at the freaking table!)  I hate to see a screaming kid rubbing their eyes and begging for food.  Look if you know your going to run into this problem and CANT avoid it, make sure that kid gets some type of power nap (even put them down earlier) and have a snack.  DONT and I really stress DONT give them sugar to "wake" them up.  Thats just bad parenting.  If they just had their blood taken and are crashing too fast and too hard give them sugar.  If they have low blood sugar, give them sugar, but dont give them sugar just because you werent (or choose not to) able to let them nap.  Here is our routine.  G gets up at about 830 and L 845-9.  We eat breakfast and G plays in her room while watching Mickey (nothing wrong with the tv in the room as long as its off when its sleep time).  Then lunch comes into play from 11 to 1130 (some times G eats a big breakfast in which case her lunch is 12 we are still working on proper eating habits for breakfast).  After lunch everyone is cleaned up and we pick up toys.  L goes down for a nap 1230-1 and G goes down at 1.  From 1230 to 4 the house is quiet.  G gets up at 3 and watches Max and Ruby while having a snack quietly in her room.  She then usually reads to me while I sew.  Once L is up I start dinner and the girls eat at 5.  730 L eats again after she and G get a bath.  L goes to bed at 830 and G at 9.  If G gets up we dont go oh well we say get in bed.  Our routine rarely gets broken.  I make doctors appointments based on this routine and if it has to be broken, I plan for it. 

Bottom line, sit down with you partner and talk about weather or not you should really be parents.  Dont just assume it will be all peachy because it wont.  You will epically fail at being a parent if you dont at least sit down and talk about each others ideas of parenting.  Please I am begging you.  I just might snap some day and parent that random child in the store who is being beyond a brat and it just might be your kid if you dont do something now.

So I've been thinking...

About being a WAHM (work at home mom).  I just started making diapers and already am making some for a friend and have another woman interested in me making her one.  I also just made a ton of baby legs for another woman.  I am getting really good at sewing and I just might start up a little store online.  I was thinking a facebook page.  Simple and easy.  I was also thinking about doing it once we are all settled in the new place, so it would be almost a year before I could do it, which would be kind of helpful.  Gives me time to work on my sewing more and get better at it.  It's just a thought.  I know my husband wants me to do this, he keeps insisting that I sell my stuff, but I worry about people being unsatisfied with what I have made.  Its scary in a way.  I put my hard work and energy into the things I make and I put love and thought into them too.  To then sell it to someone and have them say its horrible is kind of heart breaking.  Perhaps this is why I have never finished a book.... haha

So tell me oh faceless readers (if there are any of you out there anymore) If I were to start posting the things I made would you be as ruthless as possible and let me know if I should give a store a shot?

I just peed my pants.

You know there are some fairly embarrassing moments that I have had in my life.  For some reason peeing in my pants is the one that just keeps on repeating itself.  Now there was one moment when I was pregnant and sneezed and peed all over myself, that was an understandable moment, however every other time that I have urinated on myself is just plain embarrassing.  I should also state that every time I have peed my pants it has always 100% been my husbands fault (aside from the pregnancy one).  Seriously, the man knows of my weak bladder and will literally make me laugh until I am running to the bathroom and then blocks my way.  Jerk.  I think next time I go to pee my pants I'm going to grab him and hold on to him really tight and then just let it allllll go.  Yea.  I just peed my pants bitch. HA

My Glass is Empty, no really its empty.

So I had a date night with my husband for the first time since the first Monkey was born.  It was spectacular and let me tell you why.  For one I had a meal without any child interruption, that along was enough to make my night, but let me back up for a second and tell you about the before.  I decided since no child was going to be with us there was no need to let the "girls" be left in a mommy bra.  So I went with nice black Victoria Secrets bra and lets just say there were no secrets.  I thought though that if it was too much my good friend who was also watching the girls would say something...well she didnt.  I assumed that meant the girls looked good but not too good.  So we head out on our date night, girls free of the nursing bra, and husband and I free of children.

We went to a nice restaurant about 45 minutes away.  We both had one drink and I was well "libated" as my father would say, before our food even came.  I have been nursing for 7 months straight now so its not a surprise.  Anyways, we were laughing and having a wonderful time.  My eyes never left his and by God I swear we fell in love again.  It was like being out with my best friend in high school (did I forget to mention that was him? haha).  We had cajun food, good conversation, a live band starting up, and lots of sparks.  Then husband went to the bathroom.  I always feel a bit awkward sitting alone at a table.  Just feels like people are watching and well one guy was.  Randomly this waiter walks up to me and says

"What up son!?" I stare at him a moment and think I might know him then realize we arent in NY anymore.  He stares at me then says,

"Oh I dont know you."  My thought Ya think?  He then informs me that I look just like his friend blah blah blah.  He leaves and my husband returns.  I tell him the story and he laughs and says,

"Yea right I bet it was a bet.  Every guy who has walked past our table tonight has been staring at your boobs!"  Right then three guys walk by and everyone single one of them looked at my boobs.  I was shocked.  Why hadnt he told me this before we left the house?  Course by this time it was almost nursing time and so they were only getting fuller! 

Husband pays for the dinner and we are on our way out, well as luck would have it we get caught in a crowded area and Mr. Hey Son stares at my breast while walking backwards trying to act like he is just letting us threw.  Thankfully husband didnt have a chance to punch him in the face because I didnt tell him til we were already at the car. 

Though our night was great, my breast were eye raped.  Anyways it was still the best date night ever.  I am pretty sure we watched a movie when we got home, but ended up being too tired to finish it.

Oh and as for the title my glass is really empty.  I need more water just too lazy to get it.

A Do Over.

So as of late I have been having a dream that is basically the same.  Same person, same situation, same ending, slightly different details, and it has got me thinking of a do over.  If you could have a do over in life would you take it?  Or maybe just a glimpse into it?  I think I would take a glimpse...

So lets start off by giving my husband the life he should have had.  Both his parents average hard working, responsible people.  They met, fell in love and have 5 wonderful sons who they raised together.  His mother was caring, loving, and devoted to not only her children but her husband.  There was never a fire, no youngest brother dieing, and life for the most part was an ordinary family.  I would assume this means he would have remained in Michigan.  (I'm already sad to have lost the love of my life...)

OK so 10th Grade for myself rolls around.  Do I still meet Kyle?  Yes I think so.  I think that is something in my do over that needs to remain the same, however the way it ended shall change.  Since my husband is no longer in the picture he is now forced to use his other best friend as a means of breaking up with me.  I still will not take it well.  But instead of having my small lapse in judgement and breaking down in my cousins arms in the middle of the hallway I will instead hold my head high walk right up to him and slap him.  Justice and karma all in one.  And since I know none of my faceless readers (aside from possibly one) I will tell you why I slap him.  Day one we meet, we kiss, we are giddy, it is too good to be true.  Week one, we are in love.  End of week one, I believe that he loves me oh so much (stupid 16 year old me) that I give him my virginity.  Week two still in love.  Week three....end of week three is end of relationship.  He lied, he used me, and he weakened me.  Thus slap in the face and I regain my strength.  Now my options are endless, but I think I know where it would have gone.  10th grade year would come and go and I would remain single.  There was no one I was interested in because again husband is out of the picture.  I will enjoy my summer with best friend.  We will not have a falling out and because of this she may not end up making some of the bad choices she did during our summer apart.  My summer will be boring, yet sparked with moments of fun.  My parents would give me more freedom, I may even spend more then just a week at my sisters house in Fayettville.  From there my 11th grade year will start.

In my AP English I will end up sitting between my friend Elisha (who will now remain my friend because our other friend will have no reason to suddenly hate me due to my boyfriend and her boyfriend getting into a fight) and my friend Wesley.  Beside him will be Seth.  Wesley and Seth will also be in my History class where I sit in between them.  We are chatty in both classes and the only ones in History who can answer a question.  We pay zero attention in our AP class because our teacher is amazing and all of our work is done before most others.  Seth and I flirt, but nothing more.  One day however we will get into an interesting conversation about how far we have gone...I will be shocked to find out I have gone the farthest.  He does not judge me and says something that I have only ever heard one other guy say.  He was waiting for the right one.  This is where things for me change.  In the real life I found this sweet.  He made me remember just why I was in love with the man (or boy at the time) I was with, but in this glimpse, it will mean something else.  He dates a mutual friend who for some reason gives me evil looks.  I still to this day do not know why though I suspect that it was because she had seen us flirting before they became a couple.  The relationship does not last long and we go back to flirting.  In the real life this is innocent meaning less and in this fake life I assume thats all it is as well.  On our last day of 11th grade, I will do something crazy because it is our last day and I know I can do this and run afterwards and not have to deal with any easy let downs.  I will right a note.

-Seth?

It will now be passed to Wesley who will read it and chim in

-Can I read this too?
-Sure why not I am feeling crazy today now pass it on and no commenting.

He passes it, Seth reads, laughs slightly then respones.

-Yes?
-Can I tell you something that may suddenly and drastically change our relationship into an awkwardness it may never recover from?  (Yes I really did talk like this in High School)
Seth and Wesley read it together and again Seth laughs

-Sure.
-I am fairly certain that I have a crush on you.  I do not know why I feel the need to tell you this espically with only five minutes left in the class and on the last day of seeing you every day.  Maybe because I know that after I finish writing this and hand it over I will suddenly reget it and want to to take it all back because I will be too embarrassed to see if you have anything to say.  In fact I know how to fix this.

From here I mark threw with a straight line everything I have just written and simply put Nevermind at the end, fold it in half, leave it sitting at my end of the desk, and ask to be excused.  While I am leaving they both scramble for the paper.  I have a small break down in the bathroom then remind myself I only have to make it threw lunch and two more classes before school is officially out.  And then the bell rings.  I  return to class to find no one there and my bag gone.  That is when my stupidity hits me.  We have history together...which is right across the hall...and where my bag is....damn them both for taking my bag.  Its something they have done before and I thought it was nice, now I hate them both.

Since it is the last day this means that little miss student teacher who uprooted Seth, Wes, and I from our perfect little three chair row by the windows has no say in what we do.  I see this as soon as I walk in.  My assigned seat has been taken, my old seat between my boys (who I hate now because they both are out to get me) has my bag and a folded piece of paper.  I sit down, Seth in front of me Wes behind.  Neither say a word but Wes' smirk makes me want to vomit.  I slip the paper into my bag.  We are told that today we can do whatever we want.  What the f Miss student Teacher?  For the last half of this year you have made my life hell and now you end it with just making it worse.  I grab a book and ignore Seth as he turns around.  He talks to Wes all period, occasionally nudging my bag... 

Bell rings.  Lunch thank God.  I go to sit at my table and ignore the note.  I make occasional glances towards Seth and Wes across the room wondering if the laughing they are all doing is because my note has been told about.

I ignore the damn thing all day.  This is how I was.  I would not admit that there was a response, a response I could not handle.  Rejection and I did not go over well.  But see Seth was that guy in High School who would do over the top things.  He was the guy who would go to the football games painted orange and black.  He dressed up as a girl for Halloween in a very short shirt.  He was that guy.  You loved him or hated him.  Girls loved him, guys...not so much unless of course they were doing it with him.  Anyways, so I would go to my locker and find him talking to Katie.  What the crap?  I would empty my locker while he leaned against hers staring at me smiling.  I would finally acknowledge him.

-I have not read it, I already know what it says.  Why must you drag this out?
-Read it.
-In front of you?  How cruel.
I open it, and it says nothing.  I look up in time for his lips to meet mine.  That is where my glimpse ends.  I dont know if we would have stayed together.  I do know I would have ended up in Fayettville (which is where he went to college ironically) and most likely would have ended up a bartender.  I dont know why I just feel like I would have been a bartender.  The rest of my what if life is up in air. 

I like to think about its ending though.  Some how I would have ended up in New York City.  A writer at heart, but a bartender to make rent.  One night a bunch of soldiers would have walked into my bar while on leave.  One would attract my attention.  Browns eyes, lean muscular body, and more reserved then the rest.  One of them would approach me asking for shots and calling me sweat heart.  I knew his type well and would hand him his shots and say in a nice southern accent "Hear ya go Sweet Heart"  That would get me attention at the table as his walked back.  Sure enough as they became more and more drunk, the one who caught my eye would come to me.  We would talk and from there my Do Over would go back onto the right path.  I would fall in love a little older and wiser, but with the same man I did in the 10th grade.  I would have my two wonderful girls a little later in life and I would be sitting here today watching my smallest ninja figure out the baby monitor.

Hope you enjoyed my short story of A Do Over.