Whole30

Sir E is turning one in just a few short months, December 13th my wee man will be a big man.  It is exciting and heart breaking since he is my last sweet baby.  I have his pictures scheduled to be taken with a good friend of mine who does amazing work.  She is officially our family photographer.  I will post a few pictures she done at the end as well as her facebook page in case you happen to be local to her in AR. 

I am so excited for these pictures.  I have one very special picture planned for daddy.  I am making Lady G a Michigan themed maxi dress (possibly a matching one for Lady L), and I will either be making or buying Sir E a coordinating out fit.  I also want to get an updated nursing photo.  When he had his pictures taken around a month after his birth, I looked horrible (Ill post that picture as well).  I was well over 200 pounds and though I had just had a baby, it still broke my heart to see how large I was in those photos.  Back in January, I did my first Whole30 with my mom, husband, and half way my dad (he wouldnt give up the alcohol).  I was amazed.  I dropped down into the 190s pretty quickly.  After we finished it life of course got in the way with B getting a new job and us moving an hour away from my parents.  B and I attempted one in March but feel off of it pretty quickly.  Same thing in June and August.  A problem I have is keeping B going as well as myself.  He gets cranky towards the end of week 1.  He complains of being hungry and is constantly asking me what can he eat.  Its never enough for him either, he needs more.  I keep telling him he is craving sugar and he needs to just ride it out or that he is board, but he doesnt listen.  So  I am not going to motivate him this time.  I am starting tomorrow and sticking to it until Thanksgiving.  I dont want to look like a cow when I get Sir E's pictures done this time.  I want to look good and feel good.  The last time we tried it I stuck it out til the end of week 2.  I dropped down to 186 (lost 10 lbs) but sadly I have gained some of that back (191 right now) and Im not happy about it.  I dont want to look and feel this way anymore.  And I want my energy back.  I always feel so good when I am eating right, no headaches, not mood swings, no exhaustion.  I want to make this change and I have confidence that I can.  So I am going to post what I eat to keep myself accountable.  Expect leftovers for lunch.

Now for the pictures!  Enjoy!

Involvement

Ive never been one to throw myself into anything social wise.  I dont like large groups of people I have never met or barely know.  I want to change that about myself and today I took a step in doing so. 

I am by no means a health expert, however I do know a lot of about proper eating habits and alternative medicine.  They are both something I practice daily with my own family.  Im also really big on carseat safety.  All this being said today I had a parent meeting at Lady L's school and they were electing parents for various jobs.  I was volentold to be the mom monitor for Lady G's room (not really sure what that means just yet...) but I also volunteered to be the ambassador for her school on Health and Safety.  I get to go to a conference at some point in time this year and get to hear about what they think is good health and safety and hopefully get to throw in some new ideas about real health and safety. 

While talking about snacks for the fall festival we were told healthy snacks can be brought, but nothing homemade.  A grandparent posed the question of what was considered healthy, would they consider baked chips healthy?  Mentally I laughed.  One of the heads of the centers replied, "Yes like you could do Cheetos too."  Thankfully my jaw didn't job.  This is why I volunteered for this position.  Lady G informed me one day they had oreos (she called them daddy's special cookies since we don't actually buy oreos, but I knew what she was talking about) for snack.  Now I'm pretty sure that wasn't for snack but more like served with lunch, but thats not healthy.  She told me another day they had these chips with cheese.  I said Doritos?  She said ya those things.  Again, not healthy.  They think what they are serving is healthy because of words like Natural flavors, Made from All Natural Fruit juice, only 12 grams of sugar, ect, but they aren't reading the ingredient list. 

I dont expect to make a change while my daughter is still in school.  I do however expect to be that tiny little voice that pushes for a change.  That is all it ever takes is one little voice who is willing to make themselves heard.

Parenting.

Parenting is an interesting thing.  It can be both rewarding, amazing, and the most stressful, hair pulling out experience of your life.  I have discovered something though, I am the parent, not my kids.  Crazy as it may be for some to understand this, I make the rules, not my children.  Allow me to give you a few examples of what I consider "bad parenting".

A three year old in diapers.  Both girls were potty trained before 2.  Both girls fought me tooth and nail at times.  We took breaks, not wanting this to be a stressful thing, but once B and I knew without a doubt that our girls weren't using the potty because they didn't understand, but because they didn't want to take the time out to do it, we cracked down.  No more diapers.  Lady L was a bit more easy than Lady G since she had a big sister to watch, but she did fight me.  I finally had enough and made her sit on her potty seat for 45 minutes until she finally went.  Then I let her get up.  I told her if she didn't want to sit there like that again then she better start using the potty and she did.  She was 22 months.  I am so tired of this crap of "They arent ready".  No you arent ready for the possible fight or even more worse, to lose your "baby".  Now I will cut people a break for are actually trying, who have been battling it out since the second birthday.  I have known women who have fight the good fight and eventually won.  They get a break because they actually TRIED.  Im talking the people who dont and wont try.  You are the parent, start acting like one.  Fun fact, the US is one of the few countries who potty train so late in life....

My over a year old toddler wont give up the bottle.  At four months I gave Lady G and Lady L a sippy cup (Sir E got it at 6 months).  Do you know what happened?  They liked it, they got use to it and when the time came (10 months for Lady G) we threw the bottle away.  Lady L was breastfed, but when she started having formula once a day we did do a bottle until she got use to getting the formula.  She did not have a bottle after 12 months of age though.  Trust me, I know this battle dispite not actually having gone threw it.  I know it because we have gone through the paci battle which I will jump into in my next part.  Heres the thing, do you want your child to have a bottle?  No?  Then take it away and give them a sippy or better yet a cup.  They wont die from dehydration I promise.  Make it a big deal too.  Your a big boy/girl now!  Let them pick it out, try out a few different ones, and if your child happens to like an expensive cup?  You only need two.  Stop putting them to bed with it as well.  That is the worst habit to even start (thats going to be talked about in a few too) but for God's sake take it away!  If not at least put water in a sippy and give them that!

Children with pacis.  Your child is only a toddler for a year to two years (depends on your doctor).  Once your child hits three they are now a child, not a baby, not a toddler, that paci needs to GO.  Ive been there, its rough.  I kept making excuses because Lady L had just been born and I didnt want to keep throwing all these changes at Lady G.  But then before I knew she was turning three.  B finally did it, on the day of her birthday.  It was a rough first day and so were the two days that followed, but guess what?  She got over it.  We threw them all away.  We kept Lady L's out of reach and explained Lady L is a baby, she however is a big girl and big girls dont use pacis.  We made sure not to make that same mistake again with Lady L and took hers away around 18 months before Sir E came along.  It was a three day adjustment (the number 3 seems to be our magic number).  We did it and I am so glad we did.  She wasnt a baby any more and though she is still a "toddler" until Feburary, I dont see her that way.  Once we took it away her speech took off even more than it already had.  She was speaking full sentences, but now we could understand them.

Propping the bottle up/putting the baby to bed with a bottle.  Is it really that damn hard to sit and rock your child for 10 minutes while the take a bottle?  Is it really that horrible to soothe them off to sleep in a rocking chair?  I am so grateful for breastfeeding because it makes me stop and enjoy my child.  I get to hold him, snuggle him, and enjoy him still being a baby.  It wont be long and he wont want to be held.  You will hate that your child no longer wants to be held, so why rush it?  You are their parent and if you are bottle feeding, you arent getting that same bonding time as a lot of breastfeeding moms do.  I understand when you are in the middle of cooking and you do it then.  Im not against the every once in a while thing, I'm against the constant.  Enjoy your baby, bond with your baby.  Be a parent.

I could go on, but I wont.  My point to this is parenting is a simple task.  You want your child to do something, so bare down and get it done.  Children need discipline, they need to know what is expected of them.  Teach your children manners.  Teach them to be polite, to answer when spoken to, and to respect others.  Teach your children about the world and remember, you are the parent, not them.  What you say goes.  Stop making excuses or trying to hold onto your "baby".

What Comes After Mom

Sir E is to be the last of my babies.  It is both saddening and elating all at the same time.  The thought of no more diapers, no more spit up, no more sleepless nights of a crying baby, no more huge belly, pelvic pressure, braxton hicks, no more of all the maddness that comes from pregnancy and newborns.  It also means no more pregnancies and no more babies.  Its a complicated thing to know I will no longer be a mother to a baby.  I will however be a mother to three children, then three teenagers, and eventually three grown adults.  I will also get to be a Grandmother.  My days of child rearing will come to an end but my days of babies will eventually start back up. 

All that being said, the question of what to do once my babies all are in school has come up a lot.  My husband frequently poses the question of "what do you want to be?".  For as long as I can remember I have only ever wanted to be two things.  A mother, and a writer.  There was a time when I wanted to be a veterinarian, but that was before I discovered how much I loved writing.  The problem with me and writing is I have been writing the same book since my husband and I got married.  I have NEVER been able to come up with an end.  I could leave it at a cliff hanger, but then that opens the door for a sequel.  I could take a note from Game Of Thrown's and the Walking Dead, killing any character at will and of course only the characters you love most, and I could just kill them all off in the end, but who wants to read a book where they all die in the end?  Not many, I would read it, but not many others would.  I recently (thanks to a strawberry daiquir) have come up with the end and am feeling confident in a sequel.  However books take time to write, time I dont always have.  I have been writing things down here and there, but as a mother of three I am lucky to get a shower in most days.  Once I get into the writing mood its hard to just shut it off too.  Its also that time of year to get Christmas gifts made (have to start a few months in advance or else I am swamped).  Being a writer and a mother of small children isnt an easy task and though I am excited to say that I have finally figured out an end to my first book, I dont have the time to devote to it like I use to.  This however doesn't mean I wont write it.  I fully intend to write it, its just going to take a while...longer.

So this still leads to the question of what do I want to be?  What do I want to do?  Ive considered several other options, most of them were squashed when I realized I would need about 8 years of school (doctor fields of study), and it would take all my time away from my family.  I do not want to lose time with my family, so my current fall back is ultrasound tech.  Something seemingly simple and not too horrible school wise.  It would be fairly simple to obtain a job at a hospital or doctors office/clinic.  I would most likely do this job any where we lived.  And I feel pretty confident that I would enjoy it.  Today however, a new idea came to me, an idea that was actually an old one.

My husband and I have often talked about opening some sort of business.  He is going to school for business and being your own boss has its perks.  We have thought restaurants, we've thought renting, we've even thought about owning a large amount of property and creating a dirt track for trucks.  I personally I have thought how nice it would be to own my own store.  A nice little boutique.  Well since moving back to AR it has occurred to me the lack of hippy momma stores if you will there are, not just here but in general.  I realized that I would love to open a baby store that carries everything from cloth diapers, to baby carries, organic toys/clothes, and breast feeding essentials.  I could easily hold a cloth diapering 101 class, become a certified car seat inspector and help voice car seat safety, as well as be a voice for the need of chemical free toys, clothes, and even food.  The options are limitless and I would greatly enjoy doing this.  My children could come to the store after school, so I still get to be with them.  I can easily drop them off at school before heading to open the store, I could still go home and cook dinner and we could hire someone to help out so I can be at an event my children my have.  It works out fairly well.  And I would again enjoy this.  Educating people in things like this is something I love doing and though I am fairly certain cute babies being brought in and out of the store all day will cause my uterus to ache, it would be worth it.

What comes after mom?  What title do I get then?  I don't think I ever really get a new title.  I will always be a mom, but there is more to being a mom than just MOM.  I have a name.  It is Elizabeth.  My name does not define me, I define it.  For now Elizabeth means mom, but maybe soon it will also mean writer, or store owner, or so many other things. 

My Kids Eat Primal

So after dropping Lady G off at school this morning I returned home with Lady L and Sir E.  They were as always ready for breakfast.  I had to pump for Sir E before I could get started.  Sir E enjoyed a leisurely stroll about the house in his walker as he often does in the morning (or any time Lady G is not here to grab him while I am busy).  Once the pumping was done I jumped into cook now before Lady L dies of starvation.  She begged me for cereal (something that I allowed back into our household for a short while.  It was a big adjustment with sissy heading back to school).  I told her I was making bacon and with wide eyes and said "Bacon?  I love Bacon.  That's my favorite."  Seriously this kid is freaking adorable at times.  She is 2 and knows bacon is boss.  Before I jump into what is on her plate, let me start off by killing your "bacon is bad" spill.  Bacon is not bad.  Uncurred, nitrate free, no nitrate added bacon is not bad.  And if you can add sugar free to that list you are golden.  Now if the bacon in your fridge is not at the least uncurred and nitrate free/no added, then throw that out right now.  RIGHT NOW.  DO IT.  Thank you.  Go get the good kind.  Even walmart carries a brand that is good.  You can do it.  Love bacon?  Want to eat bacon?  Want to cook with bacon grease?  Do as I said.

Anyways, moving on.  Back to Lady L and her awesome plate.  Two slices of bacon, one egg scrambled with coconut milk for added fat, home fries (potatoes cooked with olive oil, not deep fried in, just coat the bottom of the pan), aspeargus, and kale.  She had a side of almond milk to go with it.  Do you want to know the most unhealthy thing in that picture?  The Almond milk.  Though organic it is chalked full of sugar.  Organic sugar is still sugar to out bodies, which is why I have decided to try out homemade almond milk recipe I have sitting on my pinterest.    But this was my 2 year olds breakfast.  And this isn't how she eats usually.  Kid loves oatmeal, but sadly the gluten free organic oatmeal comes in a small bag and we go through it quickly.  She also loves pancakes and though I use the organic mix, it still has added sugar and is costly for a small bag.  We are switching over to a healthy breakfast once and for all.  Do you want to know how well she handled it?

Pretty well.  She wasnt a fan of the kale, which was heading down south if ya get what I meant, I even struggled with it.  The aspeargus was a battle too, but once I got her to take a bite of it with her eggs, she got over the new taste.  All in all I think it went pretty well.  My kids are use to eating veggies, but they stick with their favorites, so today was something new and she enjoyed it.  I know whats good for my kids and I do everything I can to ensure they get it.  I did just make some amazing gluten free chocolate chip cookies, but they arent super healthy, they still contain the sugar.  I just happened to have some chocolate chips hanging around that I needed to get rid of.  For months I have struggled with eating healthy.  Im a stress eater.  I've also been watching my husbands weight go up and down.  Now that money is finally about to be a none issue, I'm ready to get us back to good health.  I had lost 10 pounds and have since gained, 5 of them back.  I am saying no more.  When I eat right, Sir E is a whole new person.  When the Ladies eat right, they get along better, sleep better, and have wonderful attitudes.  I want that back.  So to keep up with the healthy eating we are having fajitas burgers tonight!  Ive actually made them before and today is a perfect day for grilling.  Now if you will excuse me their is a stinky butt calling my name.

Life and What Not

So I will apologize to any of my avid readers.  I have been MIA for some time now.  Life often has a way of getting in the way.  Anyways things have been a struggle for us.  I have no problem in admitting we are in financial failure right now.  Its actually a bit funny to me, I thought once we left the military things would be looking up but even with the job my husband has it is a struggle.  Thankfully he is going to college now and we shall be getting what is called BAH again!  Its a wonderful amount that will cover the bills we are struggling with.  It will be nice when he gets his first full pay check at the end of this month.  To be able to breathe again ah. 

On the child front Lady G is back at school this year.  She is in the four year old class and actually has two best friends (both boys) in her class.  Last year she stuck with the five year olds.  As much as my husband hates it I completely understand why she only wants to play with the boys.  The boys play superhero and like her to be the mommy superhero.  They dont treat her like a baby and I have a feeling they also let her be the boss.  I hate myself a little for what I am about to say, but it seems as though most of the little girls in her class are bitches.  I know I know, how cruel of me!  What if that were my child someone was calling a bitch??  Well truth be told I occasionally think Lady L is a bitch.  She screams at Sir E, pushes him over, and though I was not in the room, I am about 90% sure she tried to spank him...so yea...  In all seriousiness these little girls need to be taught not to push people around.  There is evidently a little girl who forces Lady G to shove her tooth brush down the drown...Im just saying that sounds like a bitch to me.  In fact Lady G told me she didnt play with this little girls because she makes her do things she doesnt want to.  She's bossy.  Thankfully we will most likely have moved out of state by the time this little girl turns into a drama queen.  Now of course my children are not perfect, they do however have manors and now that if someone doesnt want to do something you dont force them like an evil dictator, (Ok Lady G knows this...Lady L, well like I said occasionally I may think shes a bit of a bitch...) 

Sir E has been doing pretty amazing since his surgery to have tubes put him.  The moment he realized how amazing sound was probably the best moment of his life for me.  Even now, months later he still loves noise.  At only 9 months, my son knows what it is to be grateful for something.  I feel as though he will be a musician.  He seems to have a beat in him that comes out in his right foot when the music plays haha.  I wish I could say things have been smoothe sailing with him since he got his hearing back, but it really hasnt.  This past month he started to randomly vomit and have diarrahea, I thought that he had some type of stomach virus, since B had been down with something too.  It lasted about 24 hours and he was back to normal.  The following week the diarrahea returned, lasted 24 hourish then was gone.  Next week vomiting and dirrahea again.  He ended up losing over a pound taking from from just over 16 to barely 15.  His doctor started thinking food allergy, so for the past few weeks we have been writing down everything he eats, how much, and when.  Its been tiring, but he hasnt been sick and I think he has gained some.  Im hoping he will be 17 lbs when we go back at the beginning of next month, but who knows.  He is flurishing though, dispite his set backs.  He is crawling, standing, and furniture cruising like a champ.  He says Momma, bye bye, and just started to say mil for milk.  Hes a smart one too. 

In other family news, we got a new dog, cant remember if I posted that or not, but it was back before school let out last year.  He was 3 months when we got him and now at 8 months he towers over Samantha.  He is a Great Pyrenees mix (we think with Shepard).  We found out this breed isnt considered full grown until 2 years...He is a wonderful dog though.  He loves the kiddos.  When the girls play outside he stays right with them, always insuring they are fine.  He is probably the sweet and yet most intimidating dog I have ever seen.  Samantha you know is protective.  The moment someone walks up to the door she lets out a booming aggressive bark, but not the pup.  The pup sits quietly and stares you down.  You cant read him, I can but you cant.  Its glorious.  He also loves Sir E.  He lets him roll around and climb all over him. 

Well I think I have you all caught up for now.  I have little people who are ready for food.  Lady G is busy on some home schooling work since her school has been closed for two days due to plumbing issues, so in order to keep her on the track to kindergarten next year Ive got to keep up with school work at home.  Lady L did a little abcmouse today until mommy was ready to explode because she couldnt stand Lady L not listening with the mouse...After nap time I will work with her on writing skills while Lady G enjoys some abcmouse time.  Anyways not proof reading this so have fun!

Sometimes...

Sometimes, when I get out of the shower and no one is around, I dance naked to whatever song is stuck in my.  In that moment I feel as if I am 16 again.  My hair is no longer this golden brown color, but instead back to its natural wild red.  My stomach is flat, my hips a little less wide, and my eyes are lacking the bags that currently haunt them.  Some times I dance in the shower and relive pass moments of my life.  I day dream about the first kiss B and I shared replaying the moment over and over until my head is swimming like it did that day.  While I'm on the floor working out I can feel ever muscle working and in those moments I picture myself without the battle scars of pregnancy.  I see the shadows of my arms on the floor.  They look thin and toned.  I get so lost in what my body feels like that when I look in the mirror I am sometimes shocked at what I see.  Instead of smooth attractive curves, my hips are wide and plagued with fat that just doesn't want to melt away.  Instead of a flat stomach I see a saggy worn out thing.  Stretch marks cover my whole middle section reaching up to just under my breasts which when not full of milk for Sir E look deflated and sag.  I do not find myself beautiful when I look into the mirror.  But when B wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck, I feel beautiful.  When he groans from me innocently dropping my towel to get dressed, I feel beautiful.  When I catch his eyes lingering a little too long on my breasts, I feel beautiful.  I am not as young as I once was and now that it is too late I realize how much I took for granted my own beauty.  I considered myself fat for a very long time and it was all because I had a friend tell me I was fat because of how much I weighed.  I am tall and I was taller than she, my weight for my height was perfect.  My stomach was not hanging over the side of my jeans and though my hips were big it wasnt from fat.  However I believed her because she had the confidence to wear a bikini and not be a size 2.  I believed her because she was my friend and she would never lie to me like that.  I was fooled into believing that I was fat and because of that I did not think I was beautiful.  It wasnt until years later after our friendship had ended that I realized she was wrong.  When B and I got married I weighed what I am trying to weigh now.  Ive been putting in the hard work and have been receiving results.  A week ago I put on a pair of jeans I had not been able to wear for nearly 2 years.  That made me feel beautiful.  I am far from fat but I am not thin either.  Having 3 babies in roughly 4 years has done a lot of damage to my body and not just the outside.  My organs have repeatedly been forced up into my rib cage and crushed.  My muscles have been forced apart and my bones have been put to breaking force.  Emotionally I have been set into a constant whirl wind of roller coasters.  Feeling over joyous amounts of love to feeling as if no one could ever love me.  My marriage has been pushed to the breaking point and survived.  My body has been pushed to the breaking point and survived.  My body is no longer some beautiful innocent thing for men to desire.  Instead my body is a story.  Its a story of love, pain, torture, let down, surprise, torment, excitement, failure, and success.  Its an intertwining painting of the labors of my love for my children.  Its powerful, unique, a statement.  It is unlike anyone else, though it may appear as if it is similar.  My story is different as is every other women's out there.  That is what sets it apart and that is what sets us all apart.  I do put myself down some times with how I look, but I remind myself that change takes time.  Lady G turns 4 in May.  For 4 years I have not been able to get my body back.  My thyroid was part of the problem though I did not know how much apart until Lady L was almost 1.  Once I got that under control I became pregnant with Sir E before I even had time to start working out.  Now that Sir E is here (4 months of being here) I am trying very hard to get to where I want to be.  The changes are small but I notice them.  I notice them when I put on my clothes, when I glance in the mirror and the rare occasion that I step onto a scale.  In time my stomach will be flat, my hips will be curvy but attractive.  My body however will never be the same and I can live with that, because my body is what I sacrificed to have the three beautiful children that sit in front of me now.  My body is proof that I am a warrior.  My body is proof that I am strong.