A Do Over.

So as of late I have been having a dream that is basically the same.  Same person, same situation, same ending, slightly different details, and it has got me thinking of a do over.  If you could have a do over in life would you take it?  Or maybe just a glimpse into it?  I think I would take a glimpse...

So lets start off by giving my husband the life he should have had.  Both his parents average hard working, responsible people.  They met, fell in love and have 5 wonderful sons who they raised together.  His mother was caring, loving, and devoted to not only her children but her husband.  There was never a fire, no youngest brother dieing, and life for the most part was an ordinary family.  I would assume this means he would have remained in Michigan.  (I'm already sad to have lost the love of my life...)

OK so 10th Grade for myself rolls around.  Do I still meet Kyle?  Yes I think so.  I think that is something in my do over that needs to remain the same, however the way it ended shall change.  Since my husband is no longer in the picture he is now forced to use his other best friend as a means of breaking up with me.  I still will not take it well.  But instead of having my small lapse in judgement and breaking down in my cousins arms in the middle of the hallway I will instead hold my head high walk right up to him and slap him.  Justice and karma all in one.  And since I know none of my faceless readers (aside from possibly one) I will tell you why I slap him.  Day one we meet, we kiss, we are giddy, it is too good to be true.  Week one, we are in love.  End of week one, I believe that he loves me oh so much (stupid 16 year old me) that I give him my virginity.  Week two still in love.  Week three....end of week three is end of relationship.  He lied, he used me, and he weakened me.  Thus slap in the face and I regain my strength.  Now my options are endless, but I think I know where it would have gone.  10th grade year would come and go and I would remain single.  There was no one I was interested in because again husband is out of the picture.  I will enjoy my summer with best friend.  We will not have a falling out and because of this she may not end up making some of the bad choices she did during our summer apart.  My summer will be boring, yet sparked with moments of fun.  My parents would give me more freedom, I may even spend more then just a week at my sisters house in Fayettville.  From there my 11th grade year will start.

In my AP English I will end up sitting between my friend Elisha (who will now remain my friend because our other friend will have no reason to suddenly hate me due to my boyfriend and her boyfriend getting into a fight) and my friend Wesley.  Beside him will be Seth.  Wesley and Seth will also be in my History class where I sit in between them.  We are chatty in both classes and the only ones in History who can answer a question.  We pay zero attention in our AP class because our teacher is amazing and all of our work is done before most others.  Seth and I flirt, but nothing more.  One day however we will get into an interesting conversation about how far we have gone...I will be shocked to find out I have gone the farthest.  He does not judge me and says something that I have only ever heard one other guy say.  He was waiting for the right one.  This is where things for me change.  In the real life I found this sweet.  He made me remember just why I was in love with the man (or boy at the time) I was with, but in this glimpse, it will mean something else.  He dates a mutual friend who for some reason gives me evil looks.  I still to this day do not know why though I suspect that it was because she had seen us flirting before they became a couple.  The relationship does not last long and we go back to flirting.  In the real life this is innocent meaning less and in this fake life I assume thats all it is as well.  On our last day of 11th grade, I will do something crazy because it is our last day and I know I can do this and run afterwards and not have to deal with any easy let downs.  I will right a note.

-Seth?

It will now be passed to Wesley who will read it and chim in

-Can I read this too?
-Sure why not I am feeling crazy today now pass it on and no commenting.

He passes it, Seth reads, laughs slightly then respones.

-Yes?
-Can I tell you something that may suddenly and drastically change our relationship into an awkwardness it may never recover from?  (Yes I really did talk like this in High School)
Seth and Wesley read it together and again Seth laughs

-Sure.
-I am fairly certain that I have a crush on you.  I do not know why I feel the need to tell you this espically with only five minutes left in the class and on the last day of seeing you every day.  Maybe because I know that after I finish writing this and hand it over I will suddenly reget it and want to to take it all back because I will be too embarrassed to see if you have anything to say.  In fact I know how to fix this.

From here I mark threw with a straight line everything I have just written and simply put Nevermind at the end, fold it in half, leave it sitting at my end of the desk, and ask to be excused.  While I am leaving they both scramble for the paper.  I have a small break down in the bathroom then remind myself I only have to make it threw lunch and two more classes before school is officially out.  And then the bell rings.  I  return to class to find no one there and my bag gone.  That is when my stupidity hits me.  We have history together...which is right across the hall...and where my bag is....damn them both for taking my bag.  Its something they have done before and I thought it was nice, now I hate them both.

Since it is the last day this means that little miss student teacher who uprooted Seth, Wes, and I from our perfect little three chair row by the windows has no say in what we do.  I see this as soon as I walk in.  My assigned seat has been taken, my old seat between my boys (who I hate now because they both are out to get me) has my bag and a folded piece of paper.  I sit down, Seth in front of me Wes behind.  Neither say a word but Wes' smirk makes me want to vomit.  I slip the paper into my bag.  We are told that today we can do whatever we want.  What the f Miss student Teacher?  For the last half of this year you have made my life hell and now you end it with just making it worse.  I grab a book and ignore Seth as he turns around.  He talks to Wes all period, occasionally nudging my bag... 

Bell rings.  Lunch thank God.  I go to sit at my table and ignore the note.  I make occasional glances towards Seth and Wes across the room wondering if the laughing they are all doing is because my note has been told about.

I ignore the damn thing all day.  This is how I was.  I would not admit that there was a response, a response I could not handle.  Rejection and I did not go over well.  But see Seth was that guy in High School who would do over the top things.  He was the guy who would go to the football games painted orange and black.  He dressed up as a girl for Halloween in a very short shirt.  He was that guy.  You loved him or hated him.  Girls loved him, guys...not so much unless of course they were doing it with him.  Anyways, so I would go to my locker and find him talking to Katie.  What the crap?  I would empty my locker while he leaned against hers staring at me smiling.  I would finally acknowledge him.

-I have not read it, I already know what it says.  Why must you drag this out?
-Read it.
-In front of you?  How cruel.
I open it, and it says nothing.  I look up in time for his lips to meet mine.  That is where my glimpse ends.  I dont know if we would have stayed together.  I do know I would have ended up in Fayettville (which is where he went to college ironically) and most likely would have ended up a bartender.  I dont know why I just feel like I would have been a bartender.  The rest of my what if life is up in air. 

I like to think about its ending though.  Some how I would have ended up in New York City.  A writer at heart, but a bartender to make rent.  One night a bunch of soldiers would have walked into my bar while on leave.  One would attract my attention.  Browns eyes, lean muscular body, and more reserved then the rest.  One of them would approach me asking for shots and calling me sweat heart.  I knew his type well and would hand him his shots and say in a nice southern accent "Hear ya go Sweet Heart"  That would get me attention at the table as his walked back.  Sure enough as they became more and more drunk, the one who caught my eye would come to me.  We would talk and from there my Do Over would go back onto the right path.  I would fall in love a little older and wiser, but with the same man I did in the 10th grade.  I would have my two wonderful girls a little later in life and I would be sitting here today watching my smallest ninja figure out the baby monitor.

Hope you enjoyed my short story of A Do Over.