Poor me another glass and lets get this Zombie Apocalypse started.

OK so we've all seen at least one zombie movie in our lives.  Personally my all time favorites have to be Zombieland and Resident Evil.  Why may you ask?  Simple, they are very possible.  And I suppose I have to add in I Am Legend because that one is pretty realistic too, though not a favorite of mine because (spoiler alert) the dog Samantha dies and well that's my dog's name.  Now before we jump right on into this conversation that I am more then likely having with myself and possibly 2-3 readers, let me inform you that it is 12:18 am, the house is asleep (excluding Samantha and I) I am tired but not tired enough and Robot Chicken is playing the background (no offense Seth Green but yuck).  I am also waiting for a video to finish uploading on facebook.  I thought hey I need to kill some time so lets talk Zombies.

Now for anyone who has been paying attention to the world that is not revolving around them it is pretty obvious that the whole thing is going to shit right now. If its not a natural disaster (my home town is just about completely under water and Japan...well that just sucks) then its a threat on government shut down, or (huge shocker here) yet another war on something retarded.  So really its only a matter of time before someone finds a "cure" for something or rabies suddenly manifest into some type of unbeatable thing and BAM one stupid retard walks up to a raccoon and gets bitten.  He then walks into town and grabs a person by the neck and takes a bite.  Instead of just shooting both people someone will try and contain them and before you know it Zombie outbreak.

Possibility two a few people volunteer for the "cure" and end up walking into a hospital complaining of a stomach ache.  They then vomit all over some poor helpless nurse, it gets in her eyes/ears/mouth and instead of again shooting both people (sorry poor helpless nurse) in the head because that's the only way to truly kill a Zombie, an outbreak again happens.  Now I know you think I must be cruel for saying just shoot the people, but lets think about this.  My friend's kid gets a cold.  That kid then sneezes all over my friends house.  They then sneeze on my child.  The next day my friends entire family now have a cold.  Two days later my daughter, myself, and my husband have a cold.  Our other friend comes over for the weekend.  He gets sneezed on.  Now he has a cold and takes it back to his barracks.  He sneezed into his hand and didn't wash his hands before touching the door knob to his room.  His roommate touches it and now has a cold.  He goes to his friends, sneezes and now they have a cold.  You get my point here?  Shit travels fast.  All it takes is one Zombie.  One person gets infected and by the end of the month over half of the US is infected.  It wouldn't take long for it to spread to the rest of the world, especially because there would be mass panic and the shoot first ask questions later wouldn't happen until much later in this new world.

So Zombie survival 101.  First off follow certain rules of Zombieland.

Most of the rules can be followed except the hero rule.  Its the tricky rule since this would be real life and not a movie.  A hero situation should be judged upon who you are saving.  If your saving the dumb chick who goes after her dog even though Zombies could care less about dogs, your going to die.  Even if you save her the first time, you will die eventually due to this stupid chicks thought process.  If it happens to be someone you love, odds are again you will die.  Don't get me wrong, I will gladly fight a hoard of Zombies off to save my own kid who is very much defenseless, but not my husband.  I love that man to death, but after having many long and thought out conversations about this, I know he can make it on his own and if he doesn't he wouldn't want me to go down with him.  Hero moments come when you've got a complete stranger backed up to a wall and you've got more then enough to go balls to wall and kick some Zombie ass.  One thing I will add to this list (or maybe two or three depends on what comes to me) being the badass.  DO NOT be afraid to break out the badass card.  Most of us have one and when it comes down to it break that bitch out.  Also gas.  You are gonna need a shit ton of gas, though jacking an eighteen wheeler is not a smart descion, so know your area.  Get a map of every city you enter and always have some extra gas with you if possible (if you get into a bind and have the option to grab the bag with a flash light in it and some food or a tank of gas, go with the bag and set that tank on fire).  And if you get a vehicle that seems to be sent from God himself to keep you alive, keep that sucker alive too.  And of course shoot first (head if possible) and ask questions later. 

Now here is where the whole Left for Dead issues come in.  You've got the rare Zombie experience in this one.  We're talking Super Zombies (Resident Evil can also come into play here again).  Personally I don't believe in this Zombie world, though my husband hopes for it.  I just don't think it seems realistic enough, however, the plan for Super Zombies is get to a cold place.  No matter how "Super" they are, not much can survive in a cold Siberian winter (not that I'm saying head for there) but the point is extreme winter temps have their upsides.  If it's -50 (Fort Drum weather) I doubt any Zombie is gonna be a true challenge even if they somehow manage to still be able to "live" you could easily drive around shooting them as they stand frozen to the ground. So extreme cold temps work in your favor.  I say find a house, clear it, set up headquarters, and then have some fun practicing your snipping.  I have also considered extreme warm temps, but personally I don't think I could stand the smell.  Most Zombies have some form of rot already happening on them, I'd hate to add heat to that.  God the smell would be HORRIBLE!  But if you were born for the sun then well...get a nose plug.

There are many other things to add to this such as avoid setting up camp in a store of any type and really avoid setting up any type of permanent camp. Moving is key.  If you stay in one place for too long you run a risk of getting trapped.  Also avoid the unknown, as in people.  When crap like this happens it becomes kill or be killed and any type of human compassion pretty much gets thrown out the window.  Stick with the ones you know.  For example, Zombie outbreak happens tomorrow it becomes, me, husband, Monkey, the girls, and Uncle Newman.  The girls can pretty much take care of themselves and I know Samantha would die for us.  Uncle Newman has been trained to kill just like husband.  I have a badass card and as for Monkey she is the hope for a better life.  So there is our little group.  We head further up North.  That is pretty much all I'll say just in case Zombie's can one day learn to read. 

Welp again there is tons more I could add to this, but since I am getting tired, I think I might call it a night.